CAROLYN HAX
ADVICE WITH ATTITUDE & A GROUNDED
Dear Carolyn: My partner and I are planning to move in together. I don’t recycle, but he does and insists that I do it, too, once we are sharing a home. We can’t seem to resolve this! Please advise.
— Stuck
Dear Stuck: Recycle your freaking stuff.
Carolyn: That answer is not helpful! I was hoping for something thoughtful and practical. We have a lifestyle issue and need help resolving it, please. I respect his decision to recycle, but he’s not respectful of my beliefs. What if he were insisting I vote a certain way? Or not practice a religion?
— Stuck Again
Dear Stuck Again:
I’m not respectful of your beliefs, either. “Erf the environment!”? Recycle any reusable resources. Be mindful of the impact of waste. These are both thoughtful and practical. Voting and religion are apples and oranges.
Re Recycling: He is not asking you for the world, he’s asking you to chuck recyclables in a different bin. I would LOVE to hear why you are so against it that you’re THIS close to blowing up a relationship over it.
— Curious
Dear Curious: Re: Recycling: At the risk of giving advice: SO many issues arise when you begin cohabiting with a partner. Big things. Medium-size things. Little things. IMHO, this falls into the last category. You MUST learn to be flexible to make this new partnership work.
My husband is paraplegic. We recycled for many years. Now as hub’s only caregiver, I just don’t have the bandwidth and stopped recycling, and minimize my carbon footprint in other ways. Point being, there ARE sometimes
SET OF VALUES
extenuating circumstances. For now, try to let some of the righteous indignation go and save the ground-standing for issues like voting and religion. Believe me, those will come up, too. — Experienced
Dear Experienced: “At the risk of giving advice” — love it. Just to cross all the t’s: Recycling can be complicated, which I got blasted for last time I wrote this. Jurisdictions handle it differently, not everything goes where it’s supposed to, the resale market has collapsed for some things.
But, but — any resource saved is a plus; and the problems are often on the user end, so being conscientious actually matters; and for me, at least, the extra second to choose a different bin is a constant reminder to use nonrenewable resources sparingly. It’s more than just what ends up where.
Re Recycling: I think the issue here is that you view recycling as a “lifestyle choice” where your partner views it as a minor moral obligation. Recycling helps the environment significantly, while requiring an absolute bare minimum of effort. I defy you to give me one good reason for not recycling that does not reduce to just: “I’m too lazy, and I don’t care.” Not to mention, it might well be mandatory; check local ordinances. The “unhelpful” answers stem from the fact that your partner is right — at least, in the opinion of a significant majority of responsible adults. — Also Unhelpful
Dear Also Unhelpful: Right — it’s about what landfills should hold, not just what they can. Thanks, everyone.