DEAR PRUDENCE

Dear Prudence: My daughter has threatened to leave her marriage three times in the past four years.

Her husband is a slob and acts like a second child (they have a 4-year-old). The last time this happened, I paid for her to talk to a divorce lawyer and we talked about her and her son moving in with me. Then my daughter turned around and said they were going to make it work. And that they were trying for another baby! I told my daughter she was making a huge mistake. Babies don’t fix people. She is already stressed out caring for her son basically by herself. I also warned her I would be moving sooner rather than later. I was tired of snow and my sisters needed help caring for our parents.

My daughter didn’t talk to me for two weeks. I apologized and apologized and apologized. I thought everything was better between us until now. My sister had a stroke and can no longer care for our parents.

I am selling my house to move in with them. When I told my daughter, she exploded in anger, saying I was abandoning her and her children. She is pregnant again and it turns out her husband got someone else pregnant, too. I am completely floored by this and I don’t know what to do. I am in the process of putting my house on the market. I can’t afford two houses or to constantly be traveling between here and there. I don’t know what to do. Help!

—In a Bind

Dear In a Bind: I wish I could ask you a series of questions about how “I told my daughter she was making a huge mistake here. Babies don’t fix people” and “I also warned her I would be moving sooner rather than later” were connected in your mind. Were you trying to communicate to her that she had a chance to move in with you, but if she didn’t take you up on the offer, you would move away instead? Were you using a potential move as a way to pressure her to leave her husband? Related: Was your daughter mad at you for announcing (threatening?) a move, or for your unsolicited advice on her marriage? Did you ultimately decide to move in with your parents because they urgently need you, or because you were frustrated that your daughter hadn’t accepted your apology?

When it comes to the sale of the house and the move, do what you have to do. As I said, it’s not clear to me whether this is an urgent, immediate need, but if it is, pack up and go help your parents.

Release the hope of fixing your daughter’s life through your advice, insights, apologies, or anything else. You can’t incentivize her to leave her husband. You can’t threaten her into leaving her husband. She’s going to do what she’s going to do.

Send questions to Dear Prudence, aka Slate’s Daniel Mallory Ortberg, at prudence@slate.com.