Saluting those we have lost
Last Sunday we had a celebration of life for John David Merrill, Sue’s dad and my father-in-law, in the club room at the Bakersfield Racquet Club. Herb Benham IV sang “Live Forever” by Billy Joe Shaver and “Blue Star,” a Willie Nelson piece. John loved Willie Nelson. His niece Trish Merrill played “Amazing Grace” on the violin.
Our son Sam, who called himself the favorite grandson, was the master of ceremonies. He did a great job and told the story about John breaking his wife, Bev, out of Brookdale because he wanted her home. That was just like John.
For good measure, he liberated her from Magnolia Place twice too. Jesse James had nothing on John. After 73 years of marriage, he wasn’t going to be without her for a minute, even if he had to hire an Uber to accomplish it.
“At first I was frustrated that he had done that but I’ve thought about it since and I respected him for it,” Sam recalled.
Sue’s sister Judy gave the eulogy and their cousin Brad remembered his Uncle John, who was his dad’s best friend.
The celebration, especially the remembrances from grandchildren Jake and Katie, reminded me that relationships between grandchildren and grandparents can be so different than the ones between children and their parents. John’s grandchildren were quicker to grasp his humor and appreciated what a character he was. They remembered his tenderness. Maybe you have to skip a generation to get this.
I think about our own grandchildren and how sweet they are with us. Their love is pure and generous. When we got home after the celebration, Sue found a note that Lillian, our granddaughter, had left. It read, “Mimi is my favorite. She helps me with so many things. I love you so much. She is the best.”
Andrew has grown tall and lanky but still gives hugs when they are most needed. Nora gives hugs whenever we see her and whenever we say goodbye.
Henry bursts into our house with enthusiasm and asks to make butterscotch brownies with Sue every time he’s here. Little moments of joy overflow our hearts.
Moo catered the event — taquitos, meatballs, deviled eggs, shrimp cocktail and their famous ginger molasses cookies. It was delicious.
Brett Cowan died recently. There is such a thing as Bakersfield nice and Brett embodied that. What a sweet guy.
Brett was part of the athletic Cowan clan and like his brother, Jeff, was a terrific basketball player and an excellent tennis player. He and my dad once had a marathon match in the Kern County Championships.
Brett leaves his mom, Perky; his beloved wife, Sue; and their children, Jeffrey and Amy.
Since this is a column about passings, I have to mention our former neighbor, Ken Vetter. Ken was one of those guys who never seemed to have a bad day. Talk about upbeat, and in his words, “blessed.”
Ken, a longtime insurance agent, was also a former Bakersfield city councilman and police commissioner. He was a rock-ribbed Reagan Republican and we’re Democrats but it didn’t matter to Ken. He was able and willing to see people as people. Ken got a kick out of our family and a huge kick out of it when Sue won her City Council races.
Pure Bakersfield again. What a wonderful man.