DEAR PRUDENCE

Dear Prudence: My husband of 11 years and father of our two children died by suicide six years ago. He struggled with depression and untreated OCD for years and left me in the dark as to the severity of his symptoms. My children and I have mostly healed and are living full and busy lives. My issue is my former mother-in-law. I am very close with my husband’s sister, and his father is great. Initially, I spent a lot of time with them after his death because it brought me comfort.

Last Christmas, I came across a collage at the in-laws in the bedroom my kids would sleep in for overnights. My face was blacked out in a picture of me and my husband and kids. There were also sayings posted that said things about “finding justice” and that he was “made to appear broken by the woman who broke him.” These phrases surrounded pictures of my late husband. My MIL and I have never been close, and there have been some tense exchanges after his death, but to me this just translates into “you killed my son / his death is your fault.” I told my kids to stay out of that room, but this recent Christmas my teenager was escaping family time and saw the collage. Now there is a sign that says “The Truth” with my husband’s picture on it.

I tried gently asking her about it over text, but she was evasive in her answers. I’d rather just be out with it, I don’t have the time or energy for passive aggressive swipes. What should I do? My kids are old enough now where they have seen this and it’s impacting how they act towards their grandma. I’ve tried letting it go, but it has gotten under my skin.

—I Did Not Kill My Husband

Dear Did Not: I know your kids love their grandma, and perhaps you even rely on her for childcare, but they simply cannot have a relationship with a person who thinks their mother is a murderer. Especially when that person doesn’t even have the decency to conceal her beliefs from them. I can imagine that it must be hard to accept a child’s suicide, particularly when he hid his mental illnesses from everyone, but the death was many years ago and your MIL should have come to terms with the facts by now. Or at least stopped lashing out at others as a result of her sadness. Her choice to allow her grandkids to stumble on the weird collage featuring her disturbing attacks on you says a lot about how much she cares about their emotional well-being: Not in the least. You need to let them know that people who are grieving sometimes behave in strange ways, and because of Grandma’s upsetting beliefs and scary wall art, they will not be going to her house anymore.