The most-read Love Letters of 2023
Are we in a post-COVID world? No.
I just recovered from it. It was mild — mostly congestion. I used my sickest days to watch two seasons of “Lucifer” on Netflix (Lucifer is the devil AND he solves crimes! I had no idea!).
Why am I bringing up COVID? Because I feel like there were fewer COVID-related Love Letters this year than in 2022. Fewer people writing in to say, “How am I supposed to have good relationships in a more open world?” Less letter writers feeling the long-term effects of having been stuck at home with their partner in 2020.
I’m not saying we’ve returned to “normal” — or that there is such a thing. All I know is that it took two or three years for me to see the word COVID less. People are back to focusing on classic topics of money, breakups, affairs, divorces ... with a 2023 spin.
Below are the Top 10 most-read letters of the year, based on BostonGlobe.com numbers.
I am deeply grateful for the people who read this column, which turns 15 in 2024.
I am even more grateful for people who send in questions — even when they’re small problems about daily discomfort. The recent letter about “boring” conversation in a long marriage was so relatable it wound up being one of the most meaningful discussions in a long time.
When you send a letter, you’re helping others by showing them they’re not alone.
Sometimes you’re asking a question that someone else wishes they could.
Now for the Top 10 letters (please make drum-roll noises at home):
10. Should I end my long-distance marriage before I move?
This letter writer has been married for 10 years. They have a great relationship — but there’s no attraction, and they’re very long-distance. “We are waiting for my spouse visa so that I can relocate to where he is so we can finally move in together . ... Knowing that I will be unhappy in this relationship, would it be wiser to end this marriage BEFORE I relocate to the United States, before we buy a house and make financial commitments — or should I give this marriage a chance because maybe I am feeling this way because we are not physically together?” Everyone told this letter writer to get divorced, then move. Or maybe don’t move at all.
9. The man I am seeing lives with his girlfriend in another state
Long-distance issues and cheating? This letter writer wondered if she should continue having an affair, and whether she should tell this man’s girlfriend he’s been cheating. Most people advised ending the relationship, at the very least. Commenter DANGLEPARTICIPLE came up with a scenario I wouldn’t have thought of: “You’re assuming there is a girlfriend. He could just be saying that to keep you at arm’s length.”
8. My husband has always been critical of my physical appearance
Our audience did not like this letter writer’s husband, who would “pick apart everything from my coloring, my body type, breast size, and other physical features.” A commenter named MAMA2NAT told the letter writer, “Honey, that’s verbal abuse. Get therapy for yourself to learn how to love YOU again.” I hope this letter writer got the help she needs ... and a lot of compliments.
7. I’ve been waiting six years for my live-in boyfriend to get divorced
Divorces can take a long time. But six years? “He and his ex aren’t together — they just aren’t moving forward with dissolving their marriage,” the letter writer said. “She has mental health issues and I believe he is just being lazy.” Commenter DOGSKI asked, “This dreamboat of yours doesn’t sound like he’s got much going for him, yet you seem fixated on being his wife. What’s up with that?”
6. I’m in love with my best friend’s boyfriend
This letter’s lesson: “You snooze, you lose.” A guy had a crush on the letter writer, but she didn’t take action. The guy started dating the letter writer’s best friend. That’s when regret set in. “A few years ago, he was very much in love with me, but I brushed it off.” Whoops. We all agreed that the guy might drop the friend for the letter writer. But would it be worth losing the friendship? I hope this person sends an update about whether she disclosed her feelings for her best friend’s guy.
5. She gave my husband a hug goodbye
I had no problem with the hug mentioned in this letter — given to someone’s husband by a friendly woman. Most commenters agreed. LEGALLYLIZ2017, a commenter I assume is an attorney (and tends to break down problems like a lawyer), advised the letter writer to stop worrying about the hug — because there was no evidence of a cheat. “If she was trying to hide something else that was going on, do you think she would have hugged him in front of you?,” Liz said. Good point.
4. Should I leave my husband for my best friend?
Can you make a marriage work when all romantic feelings are gone? What if you develop a crush on a friend who reciprocates it? I told this letter writer it isn’t worth staying in a marriage for financial stability, and it was time to pursue other options. Always-wise SURFERROSA said, “Figure out what is going on with your marriage before you start trying to date. You are interested in the new guy because it’s fun and exciting, but eventually you’re going to have to put some work into that relationship too.”
3. My ex checked in a year after the breakup
I’m sure this ex meant well, but sometimes checking in with a former partner causes confusion and pain. I reminded this letter writer that we’re allowed to block/ignore our exes if we’re not ready to talk to them. It’s not rude to stay quiet after a breakup.
2. She was my first date after a long marriage
This letter writer met someone after his marriage ended. The new relationship was working so well that it seemed too good to be true. Is everyone required to have a rebound relationship that’s doomed to fail? Should the letter writer spend more time being single even though he found love? “Is there any reason for us not to pursue this relationship?,” the letter writer asked. Commenter BLISTERED-TOE advised, “Don’t think too far ahead. If the new relationship continues to grow, then great! But don’t harness it with ‘what-ifs.’ All of life is one big what-if.”
1. My wife won’t go back to work
Here’s one that really resonated with people. The letter writer, whose spouse hadn’t returned to work years after having kids, asked, “How do I get her to see that she is limiting our lifestyle and setting a poor example for our children? How do I convince her that I’m not wrong to expect her to pull some of the financial weight?” The comments section offered many perspectives about division of labor and what counts as work. BACKBAYBEEZUS warned the letter writer that working for others and managing a home can turn a spouse into a very tired person. “After working, household chores, and taking care of the kids, she’ll have less to give to you. Be careful what you wish for.”