The Boston Globe

She hung my ornament

- BY MEREDITH GOLDSTEIN

Send your own question. Get an answer. Help others who are wondering the same thing. Email loveletter­s@globe.com.

Q. My fiancée broke up with me several months back. She literally changed the locks one Friday and had movers take my stuff the following week. No real explanatio­n was given other than that she was done.

We talked on and off in the following months, had sex twice, but ultimately landed in a place where there has been no contact for more than two months.

Just the other day I went to her place simply to drop off some things of hers that the movers had taken in the rush to get me out. She invited me in for a coffee. She took pains to point out that on her Christmas tree was hanging my absolute favorite ornament — because “Die Hard” is definitely a Christmas movie. We left things amicably, but why did she: 1. hang up the ornament and 2. point it out to me? Is the ball in my court? Is she just toying with me? The ornament held no special meaning to her but she knew it was special to me. She didn’t know in advance that I was going to deposit her stuff on her stoop. Over coffee we had a decent but superficia­l conversati­on. I’m confused.

ORNAMENTAL­LY HERS? A. This sounds like a complicate­d, confusing breakup. If you need to talk about it, seek counseling. Figure out what you can learn from this experience.

As for the ornament, I assume it’s the one where it looks like Bruce Willis is staring up at you through a silver air duct. (Readers: You can make these “Die Hard” ornaments yourself with tin foil. Google “Die Hard” and “ornament” for good instructio­ns.)

Maybe your fiancée hung the ornament because it’s a nice memory. Perhaps she’s capable of appreciati­ng the love you had, and the small mementos you left behind, because this was her decision and she’s had more time to process it.

Or maybe the thing was sitting in the ornament box and she didn’t know what else to do with it. Maybe she pointed it out because she figured you might want it back.

You can ask her for the real answer. Whatever she says might hint at the reason she asked you to leave in the first place.

For the record, I don’t think people send big, important relationsh­ip hints by hanging meaningful holiday decoration­s and waiting for a response. If that is how she communicat­es, that doesn’t work for you.

Imagine a life with less guessing.

MEREDITH

READERS RESPOND:

The ball may be in your court, but that doesn’t mean you have to play. Walk away. Notice that she did not offer to give you the ornament while you came over to her place to drop off her things. Why didn’t she come to pick them up? She was the one who hired the movers. Perhaps she kicked you out because she had found someone else and then got dumped herself and is having second thoughts. But her behavior indicates you dodged a bullet. Be grateful she was only your fiancée and not your wife. Meredith is right. Get help so you can move one.

PHILONIA

Maybe the ornament is a sweet reminder of a better time together. It’s normal to have mixed feelings when you break up with someone, even for good reasons. Accept that it’s a confusing and sad time for both of you. She ended your relationsh­ip by locking you out and hiring movers because she was “done” (according to you). My guess is she gave you plenty of reasons before it reached that point and nothing was changing. It’s time for you to walk away. Buy yourself another ornament if you must.

MIDGE

Most people don’t change the locks unless really bad stuff was going on, so I’m a little suspicious that this came completely out of the blue. The ornament is probably the least of your issues, so if there’s accountabi­lity that needs to happen on your end, I do hope you acknowledg­e it to yourself (not her) and work on it before getting into another relationsh­ip.

BKLYNMOM

Send your own relationsh­ip and dating questions to loveletter­s@globe.com. Catch new episodes of Meredith Goldstein’s “Love Letters” podcast at loveletter­s.show or wherever you listen to podcasts. Column and comments are edited and reprinted from boston.com/ loveletter­s.

 ?? ?? Meredith is seeking questions about everything from dating and marriage to life after divorce. Scan the QR code to make your anonymous submission.
Meredith is seeking questions about everything from dating and marriage to life after divorce. Scan the QR code to make your anonymous submission.

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