Stand up to domestic violence by supporting victims, reporting abuse

January can be a strange and chaotic combination of holiday hangovers, fervent hopes for an early spring, and all sorts of resolutions for the New Year. We have no miracle cure for overindulgence and cannot predict the weather, but have a specific suggestion for 2023 that we believe everyone can support: Be an upstander, not a bystander. Let’s make a promise to each other that when we see domestic violence, which is a sorrowful feature throughout our community, we won’t turn away. Let’s resolve to face this issue head-on through prevention, intervention on behalf of victims, and empowerment for survivors and their families to rebuild their lives.

I became interested in the Women’s Center of Montgomery County, one of our region’s largest and most effective resources to support victims of domestic violence, in the spring of 2020. I investigated, volunteered, completed the prescribed training developed by the Pennsylvania Coalition Against Domestic Violence, and joined the organization’s Board in July. I felt proud of our expanding programs, such as teen-text help lines, additional support groups, and better medical services. But shocking headlines in our local papers have shaken all of us to our core.

• Police investigating possible murder and attempted suicide in Chestnut Hill A man apparently shot a woman and then himself around 9 p.m. on the unit block of Bethlehem Pike, police said.

• Loved ones of a young woman slain in a domestic shooting say police didn’t do enough to protect her. “They absolutely failed to protect her,” said Roseann Morrison, Sahmya Garcia’s mom.

• A Bucks County woman was strangled and dismembered by her husband before he dumped her body, DA says. Stephen Capaldi was having an affair, prosecutors said, and Googled “how to get away with murder” in the weeks before his wife’s killing.

Each one of these gruesome stories strengthened my personal commitment to help, but the stark realization that there are lots of monsters in our midst means that we can’t do it alone. Women’s Center Executive Director Maria Macaluso reports that since the start of the pandemic, it has become clear that the violence WCMC staff and volunteers see has become more egregious, vicious, and horrifying than anyone can recall.

What can you do to help? First and foremost, don’t look away. Don’t pretend that domestic violence couldn’t possibly be a feature of your family, neighborhood, school, house of worship, or workplace. It already is. If you observe abuse and can safely do so, intervene, call the police, and check on your family and friends. Listen without judgment to support the survivor. If a victim of domestic violence reaches out to you, listen. Let them know that you believe them and do not judge their choices.

Victims often feel completely isolated and are often belittled by their partner; it is important to enable them to trust when confiding in you because eventually, they may be able to gather enough courage to tell you exactly what is happening and to ask for help.

Develop an intervention/ safety plan with the victim by contacting our hotline (800773-2424) for assistance with how to be an effective support and guidance on safety planning. Keep a journal and document any abuse you witness. Take note of dates, times, injuries, and any other observations. Your ongoing documentation can help bolster a victim’s courage and credibility when they are finally willing to pursue legal action against their partner.

If we are silent when we see abuse, if we fail to act when we see domestic violence or to offer our support to a friend, a family member, or a neighbor in crisis, if we ignore the signs because we are too embarrassed or frightened to step up and speak out, then we become a part of the problem. It is not only what the abuser does that leaves lasting scars for victims of domestic violence; it is also what ‘we’ as a community fail to do. Let us not be bystanders but instead take action.

As we slog through winter together, we can resolve to strengthen our community by becoming upstanders. That’s a New Year’s resolution worth keeping.