Off Main Street /

The off beat side of the news

The Buffalo News - - CITY&REGION - Off Main Street is writ­ten with con­tri­bu­tions from Stephen T. Wat­son, T.J. Pig­nataro and Scott Scan­lon.

Be­cause Cellino & Barnes could use more pub­lic­ity

There’s no love lost be­tween Ross Cellino and Steve Barnes these days as they fight over whether to break up their law firm.

But the lat­est “Satur­day Night Live” imag­ined a hap­pier time for the partners as Week­end Up­date co-host Colin Jost re­capped the lat­est Rus­si­aTrump news.

“Trump’s for­mer lawyer Michael Co­hen, who I be­lieve is the love child of Cellino & Barnes, tes­ti­fied in court that Don­ald Trump con­tin­ued to work on a deal to build a Trump Tower in Moscow well into his pres­i­den­tial cam­paign,” Jost said. The au­di­ence laughed as a photo of the two lawyers ap­peared briefly over Jost’s shoul­der.

This made us re­call the 2002 ap­pear­ance at UB of Jimmy Fal­lon, then a Week­end Up­date an­chor.

Writer Robert Smigel and his “Tri­umph the In­sult Comic Dog” pup­pet, who opened for Fal­lon, had heard about the pair’s high lo­cal pro­file and wanted them to join him.

“I saw your ad, and I want to sue you for 30 sec­onds of my life­time,” Tri­umph said. “You can’t sue any­one,” Barnes replied. “You’re a (ex­ple­tive deleted) dog.”

Ac­cen­tu­ate the pos­i­tive

Ear­lier this week, an­i­mal-rights ac­tivists from Peo­ple for the Eth­i­cal Treat­ment of An­i­mals (PETA) sug­gested on so­cial me­dia that it was high time our lan­guage evolved.

Don’t beat dead horses. And – whether they’re the 17th best bas­ket­ball team in the coun­try or not – never take bulls by the horns.

A lo­cal ski re­sort, which re­lies on a win­try win­ter as a busi­ness model, has taken PETA’s stance a step fur­ther: Don’t talk bad about snow or win­ter.

Hol­i­day Val­ley tweeted a few spe­cific sug­ges­tions Thurs­day:

In­stead of “It’s way too cold to go out­side,” say “It’s cold, but I was just com­plain­ing about 85 de­grees three months ago.

In­stead of “There’s too much snow!” say “I hope it’s knee deep on my first run to­mor­row.”

And our fa­vorite: In­stead of “I hate win­ter,” say “I love win­ter.”

Which was not some­thing many of us said Thurs­day on our com­mutes to and from work.

Ho, ho WHOA!

Do not ad­just your eye­glass pre­scrip­tion if you are on Chippewa Satur­day af­ter­noon: Those re­ally are dozens and dozens of peo­ple dressed as Santa Claus for San­taCon Buf­falo.

The an­nual event/bar crawl dou­bles as a chance to col­lect toys and funds for peo­ple who need help dur­ing the hol­i­day sea­son.

But there are rules for Santa’s helpers, which or­ga­niz­ers help­fully dis­sem­i­nated on their web­site. Among them:

“Santa does not make chil­dren cry. Re­ally, if you see kids, don’t do any­thing to freak them out. Give them a nice smile and pos­si­bly a gift of some kind (toys, candy etc). Par­ents and tourists are a dif­fer­ent mat­ter al­to­gether – ad­just your be­hav­ior based on their at­ti­tude.”

“Watch­ing santa get drunk and rowdy is fun. Baby-sit­ting santa while he vom­its in an al­ley is not. Don’t be that santa.”

And per­haps most im­por­tantly: “Santa doesn’t get ar­rested.”

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