Mom takes care of every­one else, has no time left for her­self

Woman needs to stop be­ing a mar­tyr – and she also needs more date nights with her hus­band

The Buffalo News - - HOME & STYLE - – Loneli­est Mom In Illi­nois – Trou­bled In Ken­tucky Dear Abby is writ­ten by Abi­gail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips.Con­tact Dear Abby at Dear­ or P.O. Box 69440, Los An­ge­les, CA 90069.

Dear Abby: I am a stay-ath­ome mom to three won­der­ful lit­tle girls. I ap­pre­ci­ate my hus­band work­ing so I can do this, but I’m very lonely. I have no real friends.

I help my mom with all her med­i­cal needs, mak­ing ap­point­ments and get­ting her to them. I also help my brother with his three kids. I help every­one with ev­ery­thing.

In ad­di­tion to run­ning my home and tak­ing care of our three chil­dren, I do ev­ery­thing for my hus­band. All he has to do when he comes home from work is eat and take a shower.

I haven’t been any­where by my­self in a very long time. We haven’t had a date night, ei­ther. Find­ing a baby sit­ter isn’t easy. Mom can’t watch the kids, and my grand­par­ents do it only when I need to take her to the doc­tor’s with­out the baby. I take the baby ev­ery­where with me.

Please give me some ad­vice on mak­ing time for my­self and my mar­riage. I just need some­one to be on MY side.

Dear Mom: I’m on your side. You have been so help­ful to every­one else that you have for­got­ten how to take care of your­self. Tell your hus­band what you need – a date night with him ev­ery two weeks and a day or two to take care of your­self each month. It will do wonders for your spir­its. When you do, ask your brother to watch your chil­dren for you. If he re­fuses, hir­ing some­one to baby-sit would be money well spent.

The prob­lem with be­ing a mar­tyr is that peo­ple die do­ing it, so rec­og­nize it’s time

Dear Abby: My fa­ther was mar­ried be­fore he met my mother and had five won­der­ful chil­dren dur­ing his pre­vi­ous mar­riage. When my half-brother got mar­ried two years ago, he in­vited our fa­ther, my mother and me to his wed­ding. My par­ents de­clined be­cause they didn’t want to see my fa­ther’s ex-wife (my half-brother’s mother). I went be­cause, quite frankly, I have no dog in that fight.

I re­cently got word that my

Dear Abby

to stand up for your­self. If you don’t, by now you should un­der­stand that no­body will do it for you. half-sis­ter is get­ting mar­ried in June and plans on invit­ing our fa­ther and my mother as well.

Due to their ab­sence at my half-brother’s wed­ding, my par­ents have de­cided they shouldn’t go to any of my half­si­b­lings’ wed­dings in or­der to be fair to every­one.

Al­though I’m up­set that they’re re­fus­ing to at­tend, I can’t help but won­der what I should do when I get mar­ried. Be­cause they’re my par­ents and I love them, I’d like them to come.

But I also want to be sen­si­tive to my half-sib­lings’ thoughts and feel­ings. I don’t want them to feel as if their fa­ther and step­mother love me more than they love them. What should I do?

Dear Trou­bled: When the time comes, talk to your half-sib­lings about your con­cerns and the fact that your par­ents did not come to their wed­dings. Ex­plain that they were ab­sent be­cause they were un­com­fort­able about en­coun­ter­ing their mother. I’m sure it won’t sur­prise them. Tell them you would love to have them with you on that spe­cial day.

But if they refuse out of loyalty to their mother, do not be sur­prised or re­gard it as a per­sonal re­jec­tion.

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