Opening your eyes to the reality of being in burnout
In coaching thousands of professionals over the years I’ve observed a common pattern. The teachers and nurses, doctors and lawyers, CEOs and business owners all seem to struggle 15 to
20 years into their career. Here’s an example of the story they tell.
When I chose my career, I knew it would be challenging and require lots of studying to learn what I needed to know to reach my goal of being really great at what I wanted to do. I was acutely aware that I needed to be fully committed. However, I didn’t anticipate the toll it would take on me. Looking back, I realize that I was totally unprepared for how my professional path would impact my body, emotions, relationships and spirit.
While I studied hard in school, the truly hard part was the intense pressure and negativity from the professors. It was trial by fire. There was an unrelenting expectation to perform well in internships while mastering the unending amount of class work. All with little support or encouragement.
Being an overachiever, I finally jumped over all the academic hurdles and passed all of the professional board requirements. I was relieved and exhausted. There was a certain satisfaction that I’d survived the experience, but I was completely unaware of the toll those years of continual stress had taken on me.
Out of school and facing a mountain of debt, I accepted the first job I was offered. That was a mistake. I’d never thought about what type of professional setting would be satisfying, and that first one was far from it. I decided I needed to control my own destiny, so I took a risk and started my own business. I thought to myself: “Just how hard can it be? I’ll figure it out.” Although I had no training as to how to run a business, I felt confident.
The good news is that through lots more hard work I was able to become a successful
Elementary-aged children might experience regression. This means they might lose the ability to perform a skill they previously mastered. This can include children having episodes of bed-wetting, nightmares or night terrors.
Children in middle or high school might have trouble falling asleep or staying asleep, or they start waking up
business owner. The bad news is that every day meant wearing the hat of CEO, business manager, negotiator, counselor, politician and, most importantly, “extraordinary professional.”
At first things went well, but then I began to have difficulty sleeping and felt anxious much of the time. I was always worrying about earning enough to pay the multitude of bills that stacked up each month.
As I began to feel more and more stress, it became really hard to relax. I went to seminars and hired consultants to help me become even more successful, thinking that would bring more satisfaction and security. I made the changes that were suggested, hiring more staff and increasing my advertising. I began to work evenings and Saturdays to earn more and feel more in control of my finances.
In retrospect, I barely noticed that while I was “improving” my business, I had become distant from my family, pushed my staff harder and harder, and let my social life languish. My wish was to do well and keep things moving forward, but it seemed everyone around me became more and more unhappy with me.
I dealt with it by increasing my obsessive, compulsive behaviors in order to get more done, control things better — all while trying to please everybody.
Then one day I woke up and asked myself, “Why do I feel so unhappy? How did I gain all this weight? Why am I always so tired? What can I do or take to feel better?”
As I looked around, I noticed many of my colleagues had gotten divorced, neglected their children, were estranged from their families and some had even become addicted to alcohol, drugs, work, gambling, sex or food.
I came to realize these are the symptoms of burnout. I came to realize that I was in burnout as well, and had lost myself in my drive for success. I wondered, “Have I ever been happy and do I even like my profession?”
It was a real eye-opener for me when I read one of your articles that said burnout is very common among professionals, especially those whose job it is to take care of others.
Although I was upset at first and a little depressed, that awakening ultimately gave me the impetus to find a solution.
I love what I’ve learned about how to apply positive psychology principles. I’ve come to realize that my deepest core value is love. Now I don’t focus on making money. I’m committed to making sure love happens every day.