Make America kind again
Icoach high school seniors in writing college essays, an increasingly important piece in upping their chances for entry into their top choice picks.
Before I begin working with clients each early decision season, I pump my good friend, an admissions counselor at one of America’s most competitive schools, for any tips she can share.
She told me that this year the buzz word is “kindness” — that if a student exudes that quality in his or her writing, strokes of compassion and just-plain niceness, that essay will stand out.
As a child growing up in the 1960s, I clearly remember this playground episode in kindergarten: Mrs. Weber yanked a boy named Terry out of a game of Four Square because he called another boy a “sissy.” Her voice was loud and sharp: “You will not play anymore if you cannot be kind.”
As we grew in our language studies and use of the dictionary, I learned that kindness meant: “the quality of being friendly, generous and considerate.”
As I grew into a woman who next year will receive Medicare, I learned that kindness is the quality that is the backbone of successful and enduring relationships, with friends and in business.
The opposite of kind is mean, a word defined in the dictionary as “lacking in kindness.” Persons on all sides of the political spectrum can agree that the escalating name-calling and harsh rhetoric is clearly lacking in kindness, and really mean. These are not lessons we want our children to emulate. This is a cultural climate we can change.
“Kindness matters” is a popular slogan on posters and notecards and memes. Though it’s widespread use has made it somewhat of a cliche, those two words are powerful and true.
As we approach Thanksgiving, a holiday when diets are abolished and gratitude comes in a bounty, perhaps we should replace all the midterm candidate signs with those that read “Kindness Matters.”
Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday, the convergence of sage-infused stuffing and buttery mashed potatoes and the people you love most in one house, at one table. The December madness has not engulfed us yet. We are not frantically combing websites for gifts.
At this time each year, while I’m working at my computer, I look up and see a brown paper feather with this inscription: “I am thankful for my parents because they always take care of me.” This was crafted by our son, Isaac, in the second grade at The Key School. His teacher had her students cut out feathers and write what they were thankful for, and they all read from their feathers at Thanksgiving assembly.
I wish I had cut out a thankful feather to give to my parents when I was in Miss Padoni’s second-grade class. That feather from Isaac, more than two decades later, reminds me not only of children we take care of and parents who took care of us, but of all of the people we should be kinder to, and sometimes neglect.
One paper feather reminds me that, while we may differ in our political stances, we can all agree that we need to do a better job of taking care of each other.
One paper feather reminds me that love will always conquer hate.
A loser in a Senate race in last week’s election is speaking on cable news right now, and she is saying that she just got off the phone with her winning opponent. She referred to his “kind reception” on the phone, and how they spoke of working together toward their common goals of “serving the American people.”
“Make America Kind Again” is a slogan we can all believe in.
I received a long email from a reader after my last column, titled “Restoring civility in uncivil times.” His tone was mean, attributing the uncivility completely to one side, detailed in cruel and ugly sentences.
One of his comments was that if it weren’t for journalists, “the enemy,” we would have far more civility.
After several deep breaths, I wrote him back and thanked him for reading our newspaper, and for his “long and thoughtful letter.” I also told him that I’m sure if we knew each other, we would find that we had crucial things in common.
For one, I’m certain we both want our families to live in a country and a climate that felt more safe and sane and kind. I added that if it weren’t for my column, written as a journalist, he wouldn’t have anything to complain to me about.
His next email, that followed immediately, read: “Ha! You’re right about that — I am glued to the media these days. But I don’t let my kids watch TV because everyone is so angry! I’m sorry for my hostile letter; I needed to vent. Want to have coffee?”
We are meeting next week. Acting friendly and considerate is easy and gamechanging. Tell this, in a kind way, to the meanies.