How can constant talking be curbed?

DearAmy: I love and respectmy wife. Butwe can’t converse because she is always talking. Whenwe go out with friends, her verbal domination exhausts everyone. She repeats generallywell-worn childhood stories. Her style is intense, yet repetitive, and endlessly meandering. She conducts a running monologue when others attempt to get a word in edgewise.

If I have an interesting experience, she jumps in to tellmy story. Alone together, she’ll askme a question, then respond before I can answer.

Can you discern the cause of this behavior? Can you recommend some nonconfrontational encouragements toward conversational calm, or willmy meaningful conversations always be found outsidemy marriage? — SeldomHeard

Dear Seldom: My theory is thatwe are experiencing a cultural shift away from listening. If garrulous overtalkers can train themselves to be energetic and active listeners, their annoying habit will gradually shift. Active listening will also open their hearts, improve their relationships and enrich their lives.

In a healthy marriage, partners can offer respectful feedback and correction. This can be hard to hear, especially if you’re not a listener. But you should offer your wife the opportunity to change. Tell her, “Honey, this habit of yours makes me feel disrespected. You are silencing me. I’m embarrassed when you interrupt and talk over me in public. At home, I feel more and more alone. It is having a huge impact onmy happiness. Are you willing towork on this?” Expect your wife to react defensively. Press on, lovingly.

Try using a “talking stick.” You two can do this at the dinner table. Take an object in your hand. Agree that only the person holding the objectmay speak. This will make her conscious of howher mind races to verbally dominate. Don’t hand her the talking stick until you have finished your thought. Has she heard you, or is she simplywaiting for you to finish? Ask her if she can repeat or respond to what you’ve just said.

Every time she interrupts you, tell her, “You’re interruptingme. Please, let me finishmy thought.” Make eye contact. Your wife’s habit has been a lifetime in the making. Changing it will take time, effort and patience.

I recommend the book “The Lost Art of Listening, Second Edition: How Learning to Listen Can Improve Relationships,” by Michael P. Nichols (2009, The Guilford Press).

DearAmy: My husband and I have three children. In recent years, online wish lists have become a convenientway for our sons to share their interests in advance of birthdays or holidays with their grandparents, none of whomlive close by.

In turn, the grandparents order gift items, have them shipped to our house, then ask me to wrap and prepare the presents.

I amsincerely grateful thatwe have generous family members. However, my husband and I both have full-time jobs and busy schedules, and preparing everyone else’s gifts in addition to our own can become an onerous task.

Also, we have tried to teach our children that the carewe take in choosing, wrapping and decorating presents is part of the expression of love that is represented by gift-giving.

Is it unreasonable of me to wish that our parents would take the time to wrap presents themselves? — All Taped Out

Dear Taped Out: I have four ideas: Ask your giftgiving relatives to spring for the cost ofwrapping when they order online. Have a supply of gift bags to use for these gifts. When it’s one son’s birthday, ask another son to wrap the gifts that come in from faraway family members. Suck it up and realize this might be an annoyance, but it is not a problem.

DearAmy: “Sleepless in Chicago” finds herself in a bind because she swore not to reveal her friend’s affair. I avoid such situations by refusing to accept others’ secrets. Several times when someone has started to tell me something that sounded like theywere breaching a confidence, I’ve stopped them and said that I don’t want to knowanything I’m not supposed to know. — Topher

Dear Topher: Heading secrets off at the pass is an excellent idea.