Make a New Year’s resolution? Read this before it goes wrong

Did you make aNew Year’s resolution? Be aware that they rarely work. And if you fail you could become so discouraged about overcoming the problem that it might actually getworse. For many people, previous resolutions to loseweight come to mind.

You can greatly improve your chances of success if you create a plan that includes:

■ Picturing a positive outcome

■ Being aware of your strengths

■ Committing to practice new behaviors It’s best to have a precise picture of a positive outcome to generate motivation. What do you think about when you tell yourself, “I have to lose 20 pounds?” You’re probably imagining rationing food and exercising vigorously. You’ll likely lose motivation quickly with those negative images in mind.

You diminish motivation if your mind’s envisioning the difficulties ahead rather than the positive outcomes awaiting you. Your brain will only generate the necessary passion if it can see that the effort will beworth it.

Try telling yourself, “I’ll like thewaymy body will look at 130 rather than150.” Are you thinking about clothes fitting better and feeling good when you look in the mirror? Those images begin to address the question about why you’re making this resolution.

To enhance effectiveness, develop an understanding of the deeper reasonswhy your resolution is important to you. For instance, “I’ve become prediabetic. I need to loseweight now somy health doesn’t deteriorate.” Then dig even deeper and you’ll come face- to- face with your vulnerability. You might realize, “I’m not feeling very attractive and as a resultmy sex life has been suffering.”

By uncovering the underlying “why,” you’ll supercharge your motivation. You’ll need all the motivation you can muster to persevere past obstacles. You’ve likely been here before, struggling for years to solve your problem. You’re acutely aware of howyourweaknesses sabotage you.

To be successful, stop focusing on your faults. Shift your attention to using your strengths:

What are you proud of accomplishing in the past?

What actions did you take to achieve success?

■ Howcould you utilize those same skills to achieve your 2021 NewYear’s resolution?

Awareness of strengths stimulates thinking about whatworks for you when you’re at your best. If engaging in supportive relationshipsworked in the past, use that strategy now. If your goal is to lose weight, meet your friends for a walk rather than talking to them on the phone.

Achieving good results requires getting good feedback. Inweight loss, for example, weigh yourself every day to see the results of the choices you’re making. No change? Add more steps to your dailywalks. Take one less bite of dessert. Make small adjustments during the firstweeks to figure out whatworks.

Because you’re taking small steps, progress will be small at first. Discouragement can occur after a couple ofweeks if you’ve only lost 2 of the 20 pounds you want to shed. Remind yourself you’re learning lessons that are enabling you to build healthy habits. Ask yourself “What have I learned that I can put into practice today to reachmy goal?” For example, download an app that will help you keep a log of what you eat and howmany calories you’ve consumed.

Even with all you’re doing, your inner critic can distort your thinking by dwelling on your imperfections. Time spent being self- disparaging rather than practicing self- compassion extends the period duringwhich youwill endure frustration, disappointment and feelings of inadequacy.

We all make mistakes, especially whenwe’re trying to learn new behaviors. That’s when self- critical thoughts are most likely to derail you. As you identify your negative thoughts, ask “Whatwouldmy best friend tell me to do to get back on track?” Let self- defeating thoughts pass by replacing them with your inner best friend’s encouragement. For instance, your friend might remind you of a time you overcame a setback in the past.

Finally, plan for what you’ll do if you get stuck. Howwill you deal with your hopeless and helpless emotions? To get out of a dark place, stop giving the negative emotions a home in your head or in your heart. Become aware of when you’re dwelling on the past, blaming someone in the present, or fretting about the future.

Shift your thinking to:

■ Embracing the suck, as Brene Brown advises. Everyone stumbles and falls.

■ Eliminating the shame and blame by doing one thing to change your situation.

■ Seeking support fromfriends or professionals. No one is successful all on their own.