Tips for better conversations with people who have dementia
My mother lives in an assisted living facility and I have only just recently been to be able to visit again after all the COVID-19 restrictions were lifted. I can see that her dementia progressed so much during the absence of visits, even though I called her daily. Now, she doesn’t answer my questions and seems to have lost her ability to socialize. How do I handle these visits?
Please join us at 7 p.m. June 9 when Jennifer FitzPatrick presents “Stop Asking How Their Day Was: Connecting More Meaningfully with People Who Have Dementia” (via Zoom). When someone has dementia, asking questions like, “how was your day, Mom?” is often counterproductive. FitzPatrick will share what to say to someone you love who has dementia and how to establish and maintain more meaningful connections. (Register on-line at aacounty.org/aging or call 410-222-4375⁄4339.)
In the meantime, slow down and make eye contact before you start talking; do not ask more than one question at a time and allow your mother time to process what you said and come up with a response. Yes or no questions will be easier to answer than open-ended questions; rather than asking what she would like to drink, ask “Would you like some tea?” Do not ask her questions such as “Do you know who I am” or “Do you remember…”
There is a good chance she does not remember, and she may become agitated. Ask questions that don’t have a right or wrong answer, such as “What do you think of that painting?” Reminisce with her about things she excelled at — “You make the best cakes, Mom!” And remember, never argue. If her memory is inaccurate, let it go. The act of talking and socializing with you is what is important.
Dear Readers,
Recently, I attended a very interesting workshop that shared information on the impact of color on our older population, particularly those with dementia. I thought many of you, whether you are a family caregiver or a professional caregiver, might find the information interesting and possibly helpful.
Joshua Freitas is a speaker, author, certified dementia practitioner, and certified Alzheimer’s disease and dementia care trainer. Freitas shares how color can influence mood, attention, and behavior. Many of you already know how important the use of contrast is when caring for someone with dementia. In previous caregiver workshops, we have how a colored toilet seat on a white toilet base can help the individual with his/her toileting needs.
We should also provide contrast between pillows, sheets and blankets and ensure that plates are a different color from the tablecloth; these simple tips can help individuals manage some basic activities of daily living. Mr. Freitas’ research has provided some additional information on specific
colors which I would like to share with you.
Red plates and cups increase appetite and encourage the person with dementia to eat more. Red dinnerware also provides a contrast between the food and the plate which makes it easier for the individual to see his or her food. Red promotes participation; red shoes might encourage walking; a red ball may improve focus during a game of catch. However, you may want to avoid wearing red as it can be perceived as intimidating.
Green can stimulate energy. Since green is often associated with nature, lighter shades can promote relaxation. Green is one of the last colors we lose the ability to see so try putting green tape on the handles of walkers and canes and on objects your loved one frequently reaches for and has difficulty finding. Green is a great shade for caregivers to wear; it fosters engagement, relaxation, and feelings of peace.
Purple can stimulate imagination and spirituality; we often perceive purple objects as valuable. Choose purple to encourage someone to think of an object as desirable.
Not surprisingly, yellow increases feelings of happiness; people tend to smile more in yellow rooms and individuals with dementia tend to stay longer in rooms painted yellow.
Blue promotes relaxation; blue rooms can decrease confusion and increase concentration. Wearing blue reassures your loved one that you are not a threat.
White is difficult to see. An all-white room can appear circular to someone with dementia; if possible, paint one or two accent walls or create colorful focal points throughout the room.
Black is often associated with frightening or sad thoughts. Wearing black can hinder communication with someone who has dementia. Black carpeting can look like a vast hole to someone living with dementia and you may see them avoid the room or walk gingerly around it. (Keep in mind, however, a black mat in front of the door is helpful in deterring someone trying to elope.)
Keep in mind, that some people are more impacted by colors than others; experiment in your home setting to see how different colors affect your loved one’s abilities to perform activities of daily living.