Mom with dementia has been abandoned by her friends
Dear Mary,
My mother was diagnosed with dementia a year or so before the pandemic caused us all to isolate. During the “before” time, she could still do some things with her friends and enjoyed being social. Of course, all that changed and her dementia has progressed quite a bit over the past two years. Now, when it looks like we can start visiting and getting out a bit, her friends seem to have disappeared. Mom has a hard time following conversations, especially on the phone, so those who did call occasionally have stopped. It seems her circle of friends has disappeared. I know Mom can’t participate in a lot of the activities these ladies do, but it would be nice if they would visit her occasionally.
Dear Reader,
Unfortunately, this scenario is not uncommon. Many people just do not know how to react or what to say when someone they care about has dementia (or any other debilitating disease) and can no longer participate in activities like they used to do. These friends may not realize how beneficial friendship, laughter and reminiscing can be to someone’s overall health.
Now that that’s said, maybe you can educate and guide them so that they can be comfortable visiting with your mother. Call a few of the ladies and ask for their assistance in providing some socialization for her — just one or two at a time. Assure them that visits need not be long; dropping by for 15 or 20 minutes can boost your mother’s spirits without tiring her out. Ask them to bring some pictures of “the gang” if available, but ask them not to use the phrase “do you remember.” Let them bring up some of the old stories, and if your mother chimes in with some not-so-factual information, it’s OK; no one needs to correct her. It’s also OK to listen to music together or take a walk around the neighborhood or nearby park; no conversation necessary.
Help her friends understand that she may not be able to recall their names and may not remember who they are as they look now. But she does retain emotional memories, so she will remember that they are nice people that she likes to be with. And while she may forget their visit shortly after they leave, her mood will certainly be elevated for much longer.
Dear Mary,
At church recently, I heard someone say their father had a reversible dementia. My mother lived with Alzheimer’s disease for many years before she passed away and I understood there was no medication that could reverse the disease. Has that changed?
Dear Reader,
Dementia is a general term that describes a decline in at least two areas of mental ability that are severe enough to interfere with what we call activities of daily living. There have been more than 100 types of dementia identified and many of them are progressive, such as Alzheimer’s disease. Unfortunately, although many trials are occurring and research continues with each completed trial, there is still no cure for Alzheimer’s disease, nor is there a treatment to reverse it.
There are, however, a number of chronic diseases, illnesses, and medical conditions that can cause dementia-like symptoms and behaviors. This is why the first step, when we suspect a problem, should be to schedule a thorough physical and psychological checkup that can determine if a physical condition is indeed causing the problems. The following are a few of the conditions that can affect cognition, memory, and/or mobility:
Drug reactions or interactions, to include over-thecounter medications
Depression
Schizophrenia Thyroid conditions
Vision and hearing loss
Poor nutrition causing electrolyte imbalances
Tumors
Infections such as urinary tract infections and pneumonia
Vitamin B-12 or vitamin D deficiencies
Treatment of these conditions can eliminate the dementia-like behaviors or symptoms.
However, if a thorough medical work-up does not pinpoint a physical cause, more diagnostic work should be done to determine the type of dementia the person may have.