Paralyzing anxiety and how to quash it
Consider a few scenarios. Maybe you want to quit your full-time job and start a business, but your mind always drifts to the worst possible outcome: Your startup could fail, all too publicly. Your savings could evaporate. Your family could be out on the streets, homeless and destitute.
Or a customer leaves a message, asking you to call; you immediately feel sure they want to pull their business. Or the market sheds a point or two in one day, and you can’t help but think all that money you’ve tucked into your 401(k) will soon be lost.
Possible scenarios? Sure, but also examples of catastrophizing: thinking about a situation or event as a catastrophe, or having a potentially catastrophic outcome. Feel sick, worry you’ll never be well again. Get a bad night’s sleep, worry you’ll never sleep well again. Lose a sale, worry you’ll never make another sale — ever.
Catastrophizing can be a helpful defense mechanism. Your new business could fail. Your customer could pull their business. The market could drop, and with it a major chunk of your savings. Considering worst-case scenarios? That’s healthy planning.
Letting worst-case scenarios stop you from doing something you really want to do is not — especially since many fears, and nearly all worries, are groundless. Whenever risk is involved, it’s easy to back away when you’re stewing in a pot of vague, indefinite concerns. But nothing I’ve ever tried has ever turned out as badly as I possibly imagined. (And I’ve done some really stupid things.)
Nor will you let things turn out as badly as you can imagine.
If your new business struggles, you’ll adapt. You’ll shift. You’ll work harder. You’ll work longer. If you’re running out of time and money, you’ll shut it down before the worst happens. Failing would suck, but failure is something you can overcome — especially if you back away from the catastrophizing edge, determine the more likely “worst” things that can happen, and then create plans to deal with those possibilities.
Worries are just possibilities you haven’t decided to face. When you don’t face them, you can’t control them, and they can quickly spiral into potential catastrophes.
Want to avoid the catastrophizing cycle? Don’t try to stop thinking catastrophic thoughts. Instead, follow entrepreneur Tim Ferriss’s “fear setting” process and think hard about the things that scare you. Here’s how.
Write down what you’re afraid of
Name it. Don’t let your fear be vague or nonspecific. Write down exactly what you’re afraid of. Let your catastrophic concerns run wild.
Then create three subcategories for each fear you listed
Write down 10 or 20 of the worst possible outcomes that could result from doing what you’re afraid of. If you’re afraid to start a business, write down 10 or 20 of the worst things you think could possibly happen. Losing money. Derailing your career. Embarrassing yourself in front of friends and family.
Then determine what you could do to prevent each of those worst possible outcomes. If you’re afraid to start a business because you don’t think you have the experience, consider bringing in a partner. If you’re worried about having enough money to tide you over, create a plan that lets you keep your full-time job while you get started.
Then determine what you will do if you are unable to prevent one of those “worst possible outcomes.” Maybe you’ll create “eject” points along the way. Maybe you’ll plan to pivot if certain things do or don’t happen. Maybe you’ll have alternative marketing plans ready to put in place. Take the time to decide, ahead of time, what you will do if things don’t turn out well. That exercise will give you the confidence to know that if the worst does happen, you’re ready.
Write down the benefits of succeeding in (or even just trying) what you’re afraid of
What happens if you succeed? How will your life change? Just as important, what will happen if you try? How will your life change if you start a business? Start working out? Start learning a new skill? List the positives of trying.
Even if you don’t reach your goal, still: You’ll get exposed to new ideas, new perspectives and new opportunities. You’ll meet new people. You’ll learn to push yourself.
In short, you’ll learn — especially about yourself, which is reason enough to face your fears and try something new.
Write down the “cost of inaction”
Now list where you’ll be if you don’t try. Maybe you’ll still be working in a job you hate. Maybe you won’t have the work-life balance you hope for. Maybe you’ll still feel financially trapped. Maybe you will simply regret never having tried.
As Ferriss asks, “What might your life look like in six months, 12 months or three years? Any further out, it starts to seem intangible. Really get detailed: emotionally, financially, physically, whatever.”
In short, just as you spent time clearly naming your fear, spend time clearly describing what your life might be like if you don’t try to overcome that fear.
Granted, some of the catastrophes you imagine will be realistic. And that’s OK. “But you shouldn’t conclude that,” Ferriss says, “without first putting (your fears) under a microscope.”
Try it. Feel free to catastrophize, but don’t stop there. List what you’re afraid of, and create plans to deal with negative outcomes. List the positives, and list the cost — because there is a price to be paid, especially in later regret — of inaction.
By facing your fears, you can better control your fears.
And don’t forget that success doesn’t require some special quality you don’t have. Successful people only become “special” after they succeed; before they put in all that time and effort, they were just like everyone else.