Cletus and Lurlene return
they’ze the future of the church!”
Gulping back his rising frustration, the pastor calmly responded to the charge.
“Bubba, we have a teen Sunday school class she doesn’t come to, a youth program she doesn’t attend, teen camp she avoids like the plague and a choir she doesn’t sing in. Have you considered, as her father, getting her to participate in all of that?”
“Don’t try ta shift the blame here, pastor,” Bubba snapped angrily, “just figger out how to do sum things the kids will be inerested iyun, maybe like a youth program or sumthin. But that aint the end of my gripe list, not by a longshot. I have ta be honest, Lurlene is pretty sore that she ain’t bein used more at church. If people caint serve, why should they come?”
“Bubba, no matter what task we give her to do, she only shows up about half of the time at best!”
“Now see, pastor, that’s yer problem. Instayud o bein grateful fer the times people do show up to serve, you keep expectin em ta be faithful, like that’s sum kind o Biblical qualification fer service. You need ta remember, the good book sayuz ta take what ya can giyut.”
“Furthermore, I’m pretty sore m’sef. You keep spendin money willy-nilly on things like missiuns and gospel tracks, but the general fund keeps a sinkin. I thank ya need ta address that problem, right quick like.”
The pastor, bless his heart, lost it a bit at that one, yet still responded with commendable restraint.
“Bubba, I’ll be glad to address that. You and your family haven’t tithed for the past five years. If you had, we would have enough of a surplus in the budget to pay every bill, fund every missionary, buy every gospel tract and still have enough left over for other things like, say, my paycheck, which I have not received for months now!”
“Pastor, if ya want people ta cum back ta church, ya may want ta try a more modern, enlightened approach. People whut have grievances need ta be treated with respect, kindness, and tolerance, not berated by some arrogant, high n mighty, holier than thou, selfrighteous Bible thumper whut can easily be replaced!”
As he said that last word, he slammed the phone in the preacher’s ear, and turned to Lurlene who, predictably, had been standing right behind him the entire time. “Whut’d he say?” “Bout what you’d expect,” he drawled, “even though I tried ta be nice, he basically chewed all of us out.”
“There, there, hunny,” Lurlene cooed, “sum people jest caint be reasuned wiyuth. That’s why God put a whole buncha churches nearby, so’s we can find a new one ever few months where people rilly keer.”