A round tuit

The Catoosa County News - - RINGGOLD EVALUATING TRACTOR-TRAILER ISSUES NEAR CI - David Car­roll

Isn’t that where it al­ways snows?

When I drive past a state trooper who is run­ning radar, and I’m un­der the speed limit, I al­ways feel like he should pull me over and give me a prize. So far, that has not hap­pened.

I love get­ting those fancy en­velopes in the mail that say: “YOU have been per­son­ally se­lected to re­ceive this in­cred­i­ble prize!” Yet, they’re al­ways ad­dressed to “Cur­rent Res­i­dent.”

True story: Burger King has just re­leased a new Whop­per-scented fra­grance. Also a true story: that is what I smell like once a week al­ready.

The best part of the day is call­ing the com­puter re­pair ser­vice line, and the rep says, “I’m sorry, this may take a while. Our com­put­ers are run­ning slow to­day.”

I asked my wife if she would get up early to­mor­row, on a cold morn­ing, and cook me a hot break­fast. She said her kitchen would be open, but there would be a 2 hour de­lay.

I met some nice folks at the restau­rant. They were a lit­tle older than me. The man wanted a pic of his wife and me. I handed him my phone, and I showed him how to take the pic. He said, “I’ll wait for it to warm up.” I told him it didn’t need to warm up. Sure enough, it didn’t work the first time. He handed it back to me and said, “See, I told you it needed to warm up.”

From Face­book: “I wish the man on TV would quit talkin’ bout the wind­shield fac­tor, and just say weather or not it will snow.”

I just read that Congress has a 15% ap­proval rat­ing. That’s lower than hem­or­rhoids, pot­holes, and jury duty. Yes it’s true, Amer­i­cans pre­fer hem­or­rhoids over Congress. You didn’t think I’d sit on that story, did you?

Got a fa­vorite ad slo­gan? I heard one on a Ken­tucky ra­dio sta­tion that cracked me up. “At Sch­midt Cab­i­nets, we take so much pride in our work, we put our name in­side ev­ery drawer.” At the end of the com­mer­cial, they say, “So if you don’t see our name in your draw­ers...you ain’t got Sch­midt!”

I heard a TV fash­ion ex­pert say “Me­la­nia Trump looks like a mil­lion dol­lars to­day.” That made me won­der. If you’re worth $4.5 bil­lion, would you take that as an in­sult?

Watch­ing the Braves. Wife: “How come the Giants have such cute play­ers?” Me: “Don’t you have some­thing to do?”

Fi­nally, as I was leav­ing the post of­fice, a nice lady smoth­ered me with com­pli­ments. She said she watches me on the news, loves my ra­dio show, and en­joys my sto­ries. My head swelled like a Macy’s pa­rade float. I thanked her and walked away. The next guy who saw me yelled out, “How ya doin’ Dar­rell?” Sud­denly, I’m back to Earth.

David Car­roll, a Chat­tanooga news an­chor, is the au­thor of “Chat­tanooga Ra­dio and Tele­vi­sion,” and “Vol­un­teer Bama Dawg,” avail­able for $23 each on his web­site, Chat­tanoogaRa­dioTV. com, or by mail. You may con­tact him at 900 White­hall Road, Chat­tanooga, TN 37405 or 3dc@ epbfi.com.

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