My embarrassing ring finger

As I sit typing this column, I am not the least bit distracted by my two-finger, hunt-andpeck style of typing. No, I got that from my genius grandfather, and I can type as fast this way as most people can who use the “accepted and appropriate” style of typing.

But what I am distracted by is my ring finger on my left hand, the finger that has for more than 25 years been home to the simple gold band that my wife put on my finger at our marriage altar.

That finger is swollen and misshapen, and there is a white ring of skin where the sun has not shined for all of those many years. Somehow I jammed my finger a couple of days ago, and when the swelling got too bad, I had to put lotion on the finger and wrestle the ring off, as it was cutting off circulation by that point.

That simple thing has made this an amazingly awkward day. I realized just how awkward when I was at the post office mailing packages and realized I was actually hiding that hand so my ringless finger would not be seen. I quickly began to analyze that in my head and came to the conclusion that I was embarrassed to have anyone think I was somehow now “available.”

Please understand that I understand that some people have physical/occupational reasons why they cannot and do not wear wedding bands. My point is not to imply that such people are being sinful, or that I am better than they are. But for me that wedding band has always served as a combination shield/billboard protecting me from temptation, and advertising my complete fidelity to my bride. Being without it makes me very uncomfortable. And the fact that it makes me uncomfortable is, I believe, a very good thing.

I am on Twitter (@Preacherbo, if you care to follow me) and saw something recently that gave me a great laugh. From time to time some pervert masquerading as a nubile foreign female will follow me, and send me the requisite “hey!” tweet. I always just immediately block them. But I saw a rather clever politician from Georgia recently who posted one of those tweets along with the terse response “My wife will throat punch you.”

Please do not bother to send me emails condemning my “promotion of violence;” I promise, whatever creepy man behind that fake profile is sending that garbage deserves the lighthearted threat.