Couple can tell kin: Sunday plans don’t include church
Dear Abby: My new husband, “Mike,” and I both come from deeply religious families, but we are both nonbelievers, which has caused some strife within his family.
Mike has several nieces and nephews (ages 4 to 9) who have asked us repeatedly why we don’t go to church with them, as the whole family attends together. Their mother has made it clear that she doesn’t want the children knowing there is another option besides Christianity. I understand that her faith is important to her, but I don’t want to lie to the kids or ignore their questions.
Is there a tactful way to answer their questions without stepping on toes?
Dear Never: You could respond by saying, “Your uncle and I have other plans.” If they ask why you don’t come to church like they do, tell them that, because they are children, they need to learn about their religion.
Although I respect your inlaws’ desire to practice their faith, I think it is unrealistic to try to keep children in the dark because, as they get older, they will meet other kids who worship differently or not at all.
Dear Abby: I am a male victim of domestic violence. I was traumatized for five years at the hands of my ex. I suffered name-calling and physical and sexual abuse. Once, when she was upset, she hit me with her car and dragged me across a parking lot.
I tried several times to leave only to find that, in my community, there was no help for men in situations such as mine. There are women’s shelters, but none that caters to men and their children.
I finally left with the shirt on my back. Because I couldn’t find help, I slept on the street.
I am now a survivor and attending school to become a social worker. I have been trying to raise awareness of men as abuse victims, but it is an uphill battle. Why?
Dear Empowered: It is probably because of outdated gender stereotypes and a lack of awareness by the law enforcers in your community that women as well as men can be psychopaths. When your wife hit you with her car, she should have been arrested.
Men who need help should call the Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men and Women; the toll-free number is 1-888-7435754. Help is available.
Write Dear Abby at Universal Press Syndicate, in care of The Columbus Dispatch, P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069; for a reply, enclose a selfaddressed, stamped envelope. Or visit www.dearabby.com.