Party for sake of a party? What a heartening idea
Dear Miss Manners: My husband and I recently discovered a beautiful farmstead that is used for weddings and similar events. We would love to host a party there but don’t have a particular event we are celebrating.
I would enjoy the planning and bringing people together. But what do you call a party that is not a birthday, an anniversary, a shower, a wedding, a retirement, a holiday or a fundraiser?
I’ve never received an invitation to a gala just for fun, and I’m interested in what to call such an event and how to proceed with invitations.
Gentle Reader: Just for fun? You mean that it will not be a party in your own honor and that you are not expecting, much less demanding, presents?
That you have never heard of such a thing makes Miss Manners weep. Has society so thoroughly embraced the selfie event that true social life has disappeared?
If so, thank you for reinventing it. Your guests will be puzzled at first but might discover how pleasant it is to attend an event where the focus is on their enjoying the time rather than celebrating their hosts.
In the dim past, when socializing was done just for fun, the name of the event was an indication of the degree of formality. Gala is a term associated with fundraisers, so Miss Manners suggests your simply calling it a party.
Dear Miss Manners: I am a member of a national organization that requires $90 annual dues to help with worthy projects. A few times a year, I am sent a “gift” from the president and a letter asking for an extra donation toward her project.
In the past, I always sent extra to help. This year, we have experienced a lot of personal hardships, and my donation was smaller and slower being sent.
I just received a letter informing me that I need to pay for my “gift” as soon as possible. It is a tote bag. I think this is rude.
What should my response be? I would like to return it with a note.
Gentle Reader: By all means, do that. If you can explain to this organization that unethical business practices — sending unsolicited merchandise, then demanding payment — raise suspicions about the ethics of an organization, Miss Manners will consider that you have made a valuable contribution.
Dear Miss Manners: My boyfriend and I are having a disagreement over whether to make an exception regarding children attending a birthday party we are having at a winery.
We have sent invitations indicating “no children allowed,” but a niece of his said she and her husband would not be able to attend, because they could not find a baby sitter.
The party is for my boyfriend, and he says he would like them to attend, so he wants to tell them that it is fine to bring the kids. I have disagreed because it will open up a big can of worms: Her brother will then want to bring his kids, and other relatives will want to bring theirs.
He says we will not “announce” that his niece is bringing hers and that, if her brother asks to bring his children as well, he will again make an exception.
When I asked whether my sister could bring her child, his reply was no, as my sister had already sent an RSVP and had not asked to bring her daughter.
Please help. His niece’s children are 3 and 6.
Gentle Reader: If you think you have a problem now, consider what could happen if you let toddlers loose in a winery. Are you certain that the venue will allow it? If not, there is your solution.
Regardless, Miss Manners agrees that it is indeed rude and unfair to show guests who did find baby sitters that your rule applied to them but not to morefavored guests.