Addict needs counseling to restore his self-esteem

I’m 23 and currently in the county jail. I’m gay and also an addict, having battled a heroin addiction for the past five years.

I managed to stay clean for almost two years. During that time, I enrolled in college, got engaged, regained the respect of my family and started to have a normal life. Things were going very well for me, then I relapsed. I threw everything away.

I need to know why, when things go well for me, I feel as if I don’t deserve to be happy so I self-destruct. I have absolutely no self-confidence. How can I fix this? I really do want to be happy; I just don’t know how.

Dear Unhappy: Your arrest might have been a blessing in disguise. It has given you time to think clearly. Because you now recognize what your issues are, you have already started on a path to healing.

You say you dislike yourself and your selfesteem is very low. This might be the reason you sabotage yourself when things start going well. After your release, a licensed psychotherapist can help you find the answers you’re seeking. An LGBT community center would be a good place to start.

Because you slipped up once doesn’t mean you will do it again, so stop beating yourself up and try to think positively. I wish you luck and a successful future.

A year ago, I met “Gil,” one of the nicest men I’ve known.

At the time, I didn’t realize he was a mama’s boy. But after we started to talk, I noticed he would repeat everything to his mother. We discussed it and it stopped, but then his mom started treating me differently. I’m pretty sure he told her what I had said.

Gil loves my cooking and has told me I cook like she does. I don’t know whether that’s so good. I really like him, but I don’t know whether I can handle his being such a mama’s boy. If he could cut the apron strings, we could have a great relationship. He treats me like a queen. He respects me, never says an unkind word and compliments me often. But if I plan a meal for him and then his mom decides she wants him at her house, he cancels on me because he doesn’t want to hurt her feelings.

Gil is 51 and hasn’t been in a serious relationship for years. I don’t want to lose him. How do I handle this?

Jeanne Phillips

Dear Coming in Second: Your mistake is trying to compete with Gil’s mother, because you can’t win. The woman who snags Gil will have to accept that they are a package deal. That might be why he hasn’t had a serious relationship.

If you are the exception, however, the way to handle this would be to ingratiate yourself with his mother. Invite her to join you and Gil for dinner, and if she offers suggestions about your cooking, accept them gracefully. Good luck.

Write to Dear Abby at Universal Press Syndicate, in care of The Columbus Dispatch, P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069; for a reply, enclose a selfaddressed, stamped envelope. Or visit www. dearabby.com.