Guests should not assume dog also invited to dinner
I have friends (a couple) who take their dog with them everywhere, including to my house for dinner. On a few occasions, one half of the couple has “shared” some of the appetizers with their “best friend”; the second time around, I commented.
The remark was met with a chilly response. I feel that they can do as they please in their own house with their own food, but at my house, it’s out of line and rude. They also let the dog out for potty breaks, which I’m left to clean up the following day.
Am I being defensive? It is, after all, my home, and I am paying outof-pocket to entertain. We do have fun, but the hound wasn’t invited to dinner; they were.
Invoke the children-at-weddings rule: “Yours are so well-behaved, but then everyone would want to bring theirs, and I am afraid that we are not equipped to accommodate dogs.”
Note that Miss Manners says nothing about the particulars of the dog’s behavior, the modifying of which is a losing battle. Much like the rule with children, better to make a blanket statement about their attendance and leave the specifics of how they are reared to their minders.
I have wonderful in-laws who visit from out of state several times a year. Each time, they stay at least a week and insist on doing all the cooking and cleaning.
Although this is greatly appreciated, the problem arises when they leave. For weeks afterward, I struggle to locate dishes, silverware and other cookware.
How can I let them know politely that although I truly appreciate their efforts, I do not want them to put anything away?
How about striking a deal? They cook, you clean. Or vice versa, and you can sneak in some cleaning as you go.
You could even involve — or invoke — the children, saying, “At least let the children help out. We are trying to teach them responsibility, just as you have done so with your son. If we all do it together, then we will have more time to enjoy the visit with you as well.”
But if this method fails, Miss Manners recommends you give in to the soggy pasta. Surely its inconvenience is far better than a riff with your in-laws.
How does one tell a fellow golfer, politely, to quit talking while others are preparing to hit?
My friend and I belong to a league and we have one member who is quite garrulous. Literally from the first tee box to the last green, it is a nonstop stream of rambling — even to the point of being able to hear her from the other side of the fairway.
She has no problems taking others to task, though. One member took a call on her cellphone. The call lasted less than two minutes, and it was during the time we were walking to our balls. She, of course, complained to the league president that that was unacceptable.
Should we be unlucky enough to be placed in a foursome with her again, how should we handle her never-ending chatter?
With politeness, naturally. Pay scrupulous, and undivided, attention to your garrulous golfer, and if she asks why you are not hitting the ball, explain that you are busy listening to her story. While Miss Manners realizes this will require an initial sacrifice of time when you could be golfing, your chatterer should eventually get the point.