BLUNDO
Don’t like coal-fired power plants? Solar too much of a cliche? How about hamster-wheel electricity? Or scented electricity (choose from vanilla, hazelnut and pumpkin spice)? Or artisanal electricity, generated by the friction that arises between competing basket-weavers at a craft show?
Comical Abstracts
Chemical Abstracts, which compiles scientific information, branches out to assist humor scholars by daily collecting all the millions of jokes told worldwide these days about American politicians.
Mount Caramel Health Systems
The area health-care company adds a letter to “Carmel” and opens a chain of shops that serve ice cream blended with cholesterol medication. Popular flavors include Zocor Chip Cookie Dough and
Lipitutti-Frutti.
Honduds
Inspired by HarleyDavidson’s leathery apparel, Honda starts a clothing business that targets Accord owners. The look is less rebelwithout-a-cause than middle-manager-withaBut it still proves popular at the annual Accord Sedan Rally in Bucyrus.
Abercrombie & Itch
It sells hair shirts for teenagers who want a fashionable way to repent for their sins. Also, I could see Abercrombie & Itch entering into a spiritual partnership with Damnationwide Insurance, a Nationwide spinoff that promises to protect policyholders against catastrophic losses during the Apocalypse.
NetFrets
In addition to offering bigwigs shared ownership of aircraft, NetJets begins offering shared ownership of problems.
By sharing blame, overpaid CEOs who once vowed to “accept full responsibility” for
their mistakes can now accept just 2 percent, which is about all they ever thought they deserved anyway.
Big Plots
The closeout retailer Big Lots ventures into the cemetery business with bargain gravesites in undesirable locations, such as at the end of airport runways and underneath the Rover pipeline.
Scotts Miracle-Sno
In addition to keeping lawns green during summertime, the new Scotts MiracleGro division offers to whiten them in winter with synthetic flakes that beautify the landscape and dissolve in 24 hours.
The product is a hit with homeowners. Supermarkets also like it because the sight of flakes, synthetic or not, always causes central Ohioans to panic-buy toilet paper.