For her son’s sake, mother can speak up about marriage

out how close he is to losing everything?

Parents have outsize power, so they must be mindful of that and know their place, especially since it changes over the course of their children’s lives.

Their place when children are grown is not to avoid using that power altogether, though. It’s to use it judiciously and unselfishly.

If you were to speak up here, it would not be because you want your son to do X or Y to please you. It would be purely for him: to wake him up to the soonto-be runaway train of his wife’s frustration, and to the possible consequences.

“It’s your life, but it’s also our shared history, so humor me. Your wife is trying to get your attention and close to losing her patience. She has said as much, but I’d seen it myself.

“If she does lose it, then you lose everything. It would be on my conscience if that happened because you didn’t see it coming. So, I’m speaking up. But now it’s up to you.”

Then you butt out — and hope there’s no more falling apart to clean up.

Dear Carolyn: Our granddaughters are working, and living with their boyfriends, seemingly in loving relationships. Is there a way of giving money to encourage them to get married?

Giving money to grandchildren is a great way to build your bond and secure their future.

Social-engineering your grandchildren through money is a great way to strain your bond and have little effect on their future.

Meanwhile, couples who believe they have a good reason not to be married ... have a good reason not to be married. Trust that, please.

Per your brief description, your granddaughters are not in crisis; trust them, too, to sort things out on their own.