Dad’s death no reason to ignore stepdad on Father’s Day

Jeanne Phillips

Dear Abby: I got a stepdad when I was a young teen. He never tried to replace my dad, and was very respectful of that relationship. I didn’t regard him as a father figure, but more as a relative, friend, and a good man who has done a lot for my family.

I’m a young adult now. My real dad died recently. Father’s Day is now just a painful emptiness I would rather ignore, instead of partaking in celebrations that remind me the most important man in my life is gone.

My mom insists that I continue to acknowledge my stepdad on Father’s Day. I know it’s the polite thing to do, and my stepdad deserves every accolade in the world, but it’s awkward for me. I still hurt for the loss of Dad. Is there a “best path” answer here?

Dear Daughter: It’s understandable that your heart is heavy. Mother’s Day and Father’s Day can evoke sadness for those who have lost a parent.

That said, I do think the respectful thing to do would be to remember your stepdad with a card as your mother wishes. Sometimes, doing something nice for someone else can make us feel better. You won’t be sorry. I know because it has worked for me.

P.S. Readers, allow me to wish a Happy Father’s Day to all fathers and father figures everywhere. And, of course, a big shout-out to dual-role moms and grandmothers.

Dear Abby: I am in high school and I’m an atheist. My parents are Catholic. Over the past couple of years, I have realized I don’t believe what my parents and priest were telling me. I haven’t told my parents because I’m afraid of what they’ll say. Mom will probably think she failed as a parent; my grandma would never talk to me again.

I’ve been silent for a while, but I’m going to make my confirmation soon and I feel like a hypocrite. I want to tell everyone the truth, but I don’t know if it’s a good idea. Should I?

Dear “Heretic”: Although this may seem counterintuitive, consider talking to your priest about your feelings. I am positive that it won’t be the first time he has heard something like this. And keep in mind, as you grow older, your feelings about atheism may moderate.