Parents’ views shouldn’t affect woman’s decision to adopt

I would not expect my parents to support my child financially or emotionally.

I have tried talking to my parents about how their statements make me feel, and nothing has changed. I fear that if I listen to my mother’s litany of reasons I shouldn’t be a parent, I will never fulfill my dream. In many other ways I have always been close to my parents and it feels strange to make this an off-limits topic and simply do what I want to do. Any advice on how I can handle this situation?

I’d say you have in fact listened to your mother’s litany of reasons you shouldn’t be a parent. Not deciding is the same as not becoming.

Now, if you’re still thinking about it for your own reasons, then do keep thinking. That’s important. Carefully weigh your mother’s warnings, even. But if you’re all set otherwise and your only obstacle is your parents’ disapproval, then, congratulations. You have no obstacles.

That’s because you’re 45. This is not a state of being that requires parental approval. And you’re well off, and eager to foster or adopt.

If the issue is more about fears they may be right, then do your homework using knowledgeable, accredited sources, of which your parents are neither. Your father’s overt and unapologetic racism utterly disqualifies him as a source of just about everything, except perhaps as the embodiment of the prejudice you and a future child may face.

The next step: Decide if the possible is still desirable. If yes, then get to it.

You don’t need to make the topic “off limits” with your parents, either, since it’s enough not to engage with them on it any further: “Thanks, I’ll keep that in mind. More potatoes?”

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