His view of high-tech gadgets on ‘low’ end

The technology industry assumes that I want to interact with objects, appliances and vehicles.

Not so. I don’t want to talk to them, rely on them for emotional support or have my moods analyzed by them. I just want to use them.

The annual Consumer Electronics Show, which ended Friday in Las Vegas, produced the usual cascade of media reports on new gadgets eager to intrude on my life.

For example, a company announced that it is developing car software that will be able to analyze an occupant’s mood. (Isn’t a middle finger waving out the window already a reliable indicator?)

Supposedly, the software could be a safety innovation that would alert an autonomous vehicle to a passenger in distress. But you and I both know that it’s really going to be used to gather personal data that can be sold to advertisers. Every device with a computer chip in it has that goal.

Apart from that, I fear the car will detect me spilling coffee in my lap, misinterpret my distress as a panic attack and drive me to a therapist against my will.

I made a short list of other innovations and what could go wrong:

Lovots robots

For a mere $6,000, I can buy a pair of cute, huggable Japanese robots

whose main purpose is to badger me for attention while interacting adorably with each other.

What could go wrong: I might find their robot antics annoying and turn them off so I can cuddle them in peace. And then it will dawn on me that I could have done the same thing with a pair of $10 stuffed animals.

Ovis autonomous luggage

It’s a “smart” suitcase that would follow me through the airport like a golden retriever, freeing my hands for other purposes.

What could go wrong: In an airport? Where I am repeatedly warned not to leave bags unattended, let alone allow them to move around on their own? Where people hellbent on making a flight would not enjoy being tackled by a self-driving suitcase? Can’t imagine.

Inubox automated dog toilet

A dog uses the indoor device, which then bundles the results into a tidy, disposable package and rewards the pup with a treat.

What could go wrong: I once had a cold-hating dog who would attempt to fool me into thinking she’d done her duty by striking a quick but unproductive squat pose, then demand to be readmitted to the warm house.

I didn’t fall for her act. But I guarantee that she would have had no problem conning a “smart” dog toilet into giving her treats without holding up her end of the bargain.

When it comes to technology, “smart” is a relative term.

Joe Blundo is a Dispatch columnist. jblundo@dispatch. com @joeblundo