‘Embarrassed’ colleague should keep thoughts to self
Dear Abby: I started working in engineering in the late 1980s and thought it was “cute” that we all wore Hawaiian shirts when the guys went out for Friday lunches. Now we’re in our 50s, and many of my peers still honor that tradition. I no longer find it cute. In fact, I find it embarrassing because men over 50 — especially curmudgeonly engineers — shouldn’t be wearing Hawaiian shirts. They look like horrible Caribbean cruise-ship tourists. In addition, their favorite lunch destinations are usually in a part of town where there’s a big university, and they add the element of creepiness by ogling the young coeds.
I find myself hiding or inventing meetings so I can avoid being part of the Friday circus. How do I just tell them the real reason I no longer go along? — Sole Tailored Shirt in Texas
Dear Sole: There’s no way to politely tell your coworkers that their attire and the way they comport themselves is an embarrassment.
You might diplomatically point out, though, that their ogling is inappropriate.
Dear Abby: My husband’s parents live in Vietnam. He plans to take a multi-week trip there soon to attend a cousin’s wedding and spend time with his parents.
We have known each other for eight years and been married for a year. He always talked about taking me to Vietnam so I could see where he was born and sightsee with him. Instead, he is going at a time when I can’t; I’m a schoolteacher.
He’s using a cousin’s wedding as an excuse for “needing” to make the trip. (He didn’t attend the wedding of this cousin’s older brother a few years ago.) I think he should wait till the summer, so we both can go.
I see this as a negative commentary on his feelings for me and our marriage. He doesn’t. What do you think? — Possibly Home Alone in Iowa
Dear Possibly Home: Your husband might feel closer to the cousin who is getting married than to the older brother. I think you’re taking his decision too personally. You should be a better sport about the fact you can’t join him, but impress upon him that you’re eager for the two of you to travel to his home country so you can see where he grew up, as he promised.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www. Dearabby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.