Parents can celebrate with others to avoid standoffish children
Dear Abby: My wife and I raised two children — a son who is a doctor and a daughter who is a botanist. We are 72 now, in moderately failing health and successful ourselves.
Our children were raised properly. However, neither one is particularly interested in a loving relationship with us. Holidays together are strained.
They are inconsiderate, insensitive and standoffish. We make no demands on either of them and never impose ourselves in any way. They never invite us to anything. We want to move away and disappear. What do you think? — Enough Already in California
Dear Enough: People can disappear without physically moving away, as your children have demonstrated. Have you tried asking them why they are so distant? Unless you do, nothing will change. Because holidays are strained, celebrate with those who appreciate you and whose company you enjoy.
Dear Abby: I invited a couple out for the husband’s 60th birthday. We sat at the “chef’s table” (in the front of the kitchen) and had amazing food and service. We all agreed it was a perfect evening.
I paid the bill and left a 25 percent tip on a $400 bill. The couple then proceeded to hand cash to the staff in spite of the fact that I had told them I had already tipped 25 percent.
It was never my intention that they pay anything, and I was embarrassed. Am I wrong to feel this way? Why wasn’t my gift enough?
— Embarrassed in Florida
Dear Embarrassed: Your gift was enough, and obviously the birthday celebration was a success. Your guests were so impressed that they shared their pleasure with the staff. What they did was no reflection on you, and you should not allow it to discourage you from going back.
Dear Abby: My sixth-grade grandson is in a 2 ½-hour social studies class. He told me that during that time the teacher texts as least six times. I think this deprives the students of valuable instructional time. My daughter hasn’t spoken to the principal about it — yet. I wonder when this concern will be expressed by other parents. — Time to Learn in Texas
Has your daughter discussed this with the parents of the other students? If she hasn’t, she should, because they may not be aware of what the teacher is doing. If they find it concerning, they should approach the principal as a group.