After sister’s lover makes pass, brother needs to intercept sibling
Dear Abby: I am a gay male. My sister, “Cate,” is in what appears outwardly to be a committed relationship, but I know for a fact it isn’t.
Her boyfriend, “Darren,” invited me out for coffee a few days ago, and while he was discussing some of their relationship troubles, he told me he isn’t sure that he’s straight. He then proceeded to say he could easily see himself dating me!
I want to tell Cate, but I don’t want to wreck her relationship. Also, I feel attracted to Darren, but it’s not my place to pursue him.
— In a Bind in New York
Dear In a Bind: Your sister’s relationship with Darren was “wrecked” the minute he told you that he isn’t certain he’s heterosexual and that he has his eye on you. If you and Darren were to become involved, it would devastate Cate. Talk to Darren and tell him it’s time to come clean with Cate. If he doesn’t, a loyal sibling should tell his sister before she wastes any more time with him.
Dear Abby: I supervise “Kevin.” He is lazy, and his work is so sloppy he should have been fired long ago. I and many supervisors before me have tried to no avail to motivate him, but we work in government, and he knows how to game the system. For reasons beyond my control, we are stuck working together.
Kevin is nearing retirement age. When he finally leaves, am I obligated to plan a retirement party for him? — Stuck Supervisor
Dear Stuck: Unless party-planning is part of your job designation, you are not obligated to arrange one for Kevin if you prefer not to, considering what a problem he has been for your unit.
Dear Abby: I’ve been invited to go away with my son’s family, and I don’t want to do it. I have done it before, and it never goes well because of my son’s mouth. I can’t tolerate his language, and he says he can’t change.
I want to be with my grandchildren, but his mouth and his attitude make me timid, and I end up wishing I were home. I told him I was sorry I couldn’t go and why. He says his family is happy, and I should just let it roll off, but I feel I have a right not to be subjected to a week of constant cursing. It feels abusive. Am I wrong? — Wishing It Were Different
Dear Wishing: If the bad language is directed at another person, it is abusive. If it is used as an adjective, it is “merely” grating and unpleasant. A vacation is supposed to be a time to relax and enjoy oneself. Because you feel your son’s language is so bad it would prevent you from doing that, you should not subject yourself to it.