Her ‘truth’ actually is source of hatred, hostility with ex

is he and I have kids together and I have to deal with their hatred and hostility. How do I handle this situation? — Wanting the Whole Truth to Be Told

The problem is that you are an ongoing source of the hatred and hostility.

The following are absolutely none of your business: 1) Your ex-husband’s current marriage. 2) Why your ex-husband entered his current marriage. 3) How your ex-husband currently feels about his current wife. 4) What your ex-husband tells his current wife.

You aren’t telling a “truth;” you have hunches, speculation, wishful thinking. Here’s the truth: Your marriage ended 10 years ago.

The best way to handle this situation — best for your children — was to keep the divorce civil, but you blew your chance. Now, 10 years later, the best way to handle it is to keep your relations with your ex and his wife civil. You don’t have to like them, or what they say, or what they do. You don’t even have to be happy your marriage ended. You just need to keep your mind open, your mouth shut, your kids a priority, and leave the past in the past.

Dear Carolyn: Several months ago I discovered my wife had an affair with her boss, lasting a few years. She has since moved out and found another job. Now she wants to reconcile. I’m not sure I can ever trust her again, let alone have a loving relationship with her. She says we owe it to ourselves to at least try counseling to see if we could resolve the issues that led to the affair and regain trust. I can’t seem to decide whether I want to try to make things work out with her or not. Any advice? — M.

You can’t decide, so don’t. Decide to decide later — after you hear, in counseling, whether there is anything your wife can say that can lead you to reconcile.