Forget the fantasy; mom-to-be should give baby life ‘as is’

but not at the expense of love, food, warm clothing and dry pants.

Really, though, this question isn’t about those things anyway. It’s about things we promise ourselves, envision, fantasize.

There comes a point when it’s time to release them, like imagined helium balloons, and embrace the lives we actually have — because we actually chose them, for reasons we may actually not have given much thought lately. So think about them. You and your husband went the condo/nonprofit route for reasons that probably make sense to you, probably brought you together, and definitely say something about you both. I bet it’s something you like about yourselves.

That is what you will be giving your baby.

Dear Carolyn: I have been dating my girlfriend for about two years, and am starting to think about marriage. The only thing that bothers me is that she is the ex-girlfriend of a college friend. I still hang out with him, and he is cool with things. He dumped her about five years ago. Before we started dating I even asked him for his OK, which he gave.

But I am starting to think it might be strange to marry her, because he would be at the wedding. Is it ever OK to be with a friend’s ex, or should I have thought about this at the beginning? — Washington, D.C.

I don’t think it’s ever OK to decide against marrying someone you want to marry just because one person will make you feel awkward for one day.

In fact, it’s so far from OK that it probably comes with other problems — uncertainty about her, uncertainty of yourself, fear you will look stupid, immaturity? — each of which precludes marriage in its own right, at least for now.

If you love her, then keep dating her. Just save marriage for when it feels like the best idea you’ve ever had, and you would marry her anywhere, in front of anyone.