Divorced father seeks to curb daughter’s habitual messiness

Dear Abby: My 16-year-old daughter, “Katie,” leaves her nice clothes, wet towels and debris strewn around her room. She stays with me half the time, and her mother the other half. She is involved in activities and Advanced Placement courses in school, so when she gets home, she studies or needs to sleep. I remind her to pick her things up off the floor, but she rarely does it.

I keep going back and forth on the correct way to handle this. Should I just leave them and allow Katie to live in a mess until she gets sick of it, or straighten up ahead of time so her room is tidy, and maybe she will realize it’s how the place should always look? She is a sweet, loving and considerate kid, but, frankly, she gets very dramatic, which makes it hard for a rational conversation. Thank you for any help you can offer. — Frustrated Father in Florida

Dear Frustrated Father: You and your ex-wife need to be on the same page when it comes to parenting. Ask your ex-wife if she allows clothing and towels to be left on the floor of Katie’s room and, if not, how she handles it. Also, remind your daughter that when she gets to college, she will be a more desirable roommate if she keeps her living quarters tidy. Be sure she knows you are saying it to help her, not to be an ogre. It’s your house, and you should be making the rules.

Dear Abby: Recently some of my extended family had dinner together at a restaurant. After the waiter brought our meal to the table, my adult nephew asked all 10 of us to pause before eating while he “offered thanks” for the meal. Most of the family is religious and may not have minded doing it. However, some of us are not religious and never pray before meals, something everyone there knows.

If we gather at someone’s house, we follow the custom of the host and there is no objection, but I think it’s presumptuous to insist on making everyone wait while they perform this ritual in public. No one will mind you praying silently to yourself, but please be considerate of others. — Godless in Texas

Dear Godless: Unless your nephew was delivering a sermon and you were experiencing symptoms of hypoglycemia, I don’t think it was a great imposition to wait for the blessing.

That said, because you felt imposed upon, say something to your nephew or pass on the next dinner invitation.

Contact Dear Abby at www.dearabby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.