Mom struggles to support daughter for relationship choice

Jeanne Phillips

Dear Abby: My 20-year-old daughter has been dating a wonderful young man for two years. He treats her exceptionally well.

She has decided on a whim that she has “an itch” to know what it’s like to “be with” other people! (They were each other’s first everything.) I do understand that “itch,” but I don’t feel it needs to be acted upon.

When she told him, it broke his heart. When I asked him if he was OK, he responded, “No, but I will be. I just want her to be happy.” It brought tears to my eyes.

My daughter has no idea what a huge mistake she is making. Of course I want to support her no matter what, but I feel her actions are mean and selfish. How do I convey this to her but also be supportive? — Emotional Mom in Baltimore

Dear Mom: It is better that the boyfriend knows your daughter’s true feelings.

Having said what she did has freed him to move on. Tell her you are glad she confided in you, you think she had a solid-gold winner in the young man she has been with, and you will always be there to emotionally support her if she needs it. That is all you can do at this point.

Dear Abby: My sister and her husband take an annual trip to visit my parents. Because they pass near our town, they stop and visit with us, too. I love seeing my sister, but they bring their large dog and expect us to keep our Siamese cat locked in our bedroom while they are here. They tend to stay at least four or five days.

Their dog is sweet, but he makes a mess when he eats, and they don’t scoop poop until the end of their visit. Once they’re gone, I vacuum up dog hair for weeks.

Any questions I ask — “Could you wipe up ‘Rover’s’ dinner?” — are met with either “In a minute” (never) or “He’s such a messy eater. Ha ha!” When I tried to be frank about the problems, my sister got upset and told our parents we were “anti-dog people” who didn’t appreciate their visits.

Any suggestions on how to deal with this? I don’t want to cause a family feud.

— Over It Big Time

Dear Over It: If you haven’t told your parents what you have written to me, you should — they should hear your side. Perhaps they can get through to your sister that what she is doing is rude and an imposition. Then tell your sister you would love to see her, but if she is bringing Rover, you can accommodate her for one night, not five.

Contact Dear Abby at www.dearabby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.