The use of incorrect pronouns can be politely corrected

Dear Miss Manners: I am a college professor and have been teaching online since the beginning of the pandemic. I was corresponding via email with my dean about an issue with a student I had never met in person.

In the course of managing the issue, I became aware that the student in question uses the gender-neutral pronouns “they/them.” When I learned this, I switched to using those pronouns. My dean continued using the masculine pronouns “he/ him.”

I was a bit flummoxed. I didn’t want to correct my dean, because that seemed rude to her. On the other hand, switching to “they/them” without explanation seemed awkward. On the third hand, I felt like I was letting down the student by failing to stand up for their gender identity to my professional superior.

I should note two things: First, the student’s issue was not related to their gender identity. Two, my dean is the kind of person who would want to use a person’s pronouns out of consideration.

What should I have done?

Gentle Reader: It seems clear to Miss Manners that your wellmeaning dean simply wasn’t paying attention, or mistook your attempts for the plural. A simple, “I believe that Taden uses the pronouns ‘they/ them’” should be all that is needed to correct the mistake.

Dear Miss Manners: Is it acceptable to cut multiple pieces of steak at a time, or should you cut as you eat?

Gentle Reader: The latter. Unless you are doing it for someone who otherwise might be in danger of choking, or stabbing.

Dear Miss Manners: About three years ago, a good friend gave me a debit card as thanks for some favors I did for her. It was issued by a national financial company, at a major national store chain.

In the years since receiving it, I have not found one store willing to take it — not even the chain where it was purchased! Their only reason is, “We don’t take gift cards.” I had thought that, since it says “debit” on it, it would be considered the same as cash.

I wonder whether this friend has spent money on these cards for others. Should I tell her that I’ve been unable to redeem mine? (I would do so solely because I would hate for her to continue to purchase these cards if they’re just a waste of her hardearned money.) Would that be similar to telling her a gift arrived unusable because it was broken?

Gentle Reader: A store that does not accept its own gift cards?

Miss Manners would think that your friend would definitely want to have this information — even if it is three years after the fact. You could slip it into conversation casually, “You know, I never could get that very generous gift card to work. The store said they didn’t accept them. Can you imagine?”