Friends’ ‘worry’ about another lockdown annoys reader
Dear Carolyn: I get it, we’re past the point in this pandemic where it’s useful or sensible to judge each other’s behavior. But still, what do I do about the friends who say things like, “I’m worried we’re going to go back into lockdown,” when those exact same friends never went into lockdown in the first place? I basically didn’t leave my apartment for 16 months while people I’m close to were only restricted by the closures of favorite restaurants, yet they behave now like it’s terrible news that we might have to go “back” to staying home.
Do you have a good response to convey I’m not sympathetic and maybe remind them we’re all in this together and must do whatever is necessary?
— Pandemic
All my advice here fits into one word: Focus. People who indulge in fretting that is arguably disingenuous or self-aggrandizing are not the problem here and so giving them even justified, poetically executed side-eye is not going to solve anything.
People who want civilization to continue and are even superficially embracing public-health measures to prevent the spread of COVID-19 need to be kind to each other, to the point of indulgence. That is a solution, because it’s a crucial element of being “in this together” — choosing not to finger-point others into seeking refuge in the closest cultural-purity bunker just because it feels better than being shamed.
As for responding to remarks about lockdowns: The resurgent possibility of them is terrible news for everybody, so sympathize with your friends. “Yes, that would be devastating — I wonder what we as individuals can do to prevent that.”
Having to shut things down again to prevent lethal infections is the blunt instrument — killing businesses because it’s our only means left to stop killing people — that we, collectively, make necessary only when we politicize the much more refined and effective ones. Please let’s just focus on that.
Dear Carolyn: My 8-year-old son has ADHD. After a rough pandemic school year, he discovered a new passion that helps him manage big feelings and big energy: climbing. Trees, hills, rocks, playground equipment. He has never fallen, yet other parents at the park glare at me or tell him to get down when they see him up there.
I appreciate their concerns, but have little energy to manage other adults’ feelings about this. Am I obligated to reassure them or prevent him from going “too high” at a public park? He’s too young for local climbing camps, and no indoor spaces until he can be vaccinated.
— M.
No, you don’t owe other parents anything except mindfulness of the fall zone under your kid. Truly.
Carrying the weight of societal judgment is the hidden work of rearing a neurodivergent child; I’m sorry you’ve been judged. Educating people is strictly optional. I’m glad your son found his joy.