Joe offers predictions for winter driving
Special weather alert to all motorists in central Ohio: It gets cold in the winter. Sometimes it snows.
Sounds obvious, I know, but some of you need reminders year after year. To help you remember, today I present Joe’s Winter Driving Guide for the Forgetful:
Does Columbus get a lot of snow? No. Conditions will always sound ominous because Columbus favors overwrought weather language (Snow Warriors, Storm Team 4, calamity days, etc.) But look outside and you’ll rarely see any cause for alarm.
Why does traffic get so bad when it only snows a little bit?
Because you’re blocking the intersection. Again.
Here’s how it works: Traffic backs up with any amount of snow. You find yourself stuck in a long line, sitting through light change after light change, creeping a few yards each time. As you near the intersection, you decide that justice demands you make it through before green turns to red yet again. And then you find yourself stuck under that traffic signal, trapped behind cars in front of you, in the middle of a busy crossroads, with furious motorists honking.
Meanwhile, hundreds of other drivers are blocking hundreds of other intersections, provoking similar outrage.
Eventually you will all emerge from this crisis, but it might take hours. When will my street be plowed? Do you live in the median strip of I-71 or on an airport runway? If so, those plows will be along any minute now.
Otherwise, you will wait, possibly for the spring thaw. Hard as it might be to believe, the area’s many road crews put a higher priority on vital transportation arteries than your cul-de-sac, where the average vehicle count is six cars, two skateboards and one stroller per day.
What’s the relationship between amount of snow and the time it falls?
Use this rule of thumb: A few flakes at rush hour on a Tuesday is worse than 10 inches on a Sunday morning.
Some years ago, late on a Friday afternoon, a mere dusting of snow fell on Columbus roads that were just the right temperature to convert minimal precipitation into ice. Panic and gridlock ensued, and there are some commuters who still haven’t made it home.
How much extra time should I allow when heading to work in snow?
A lot, and not just because of the snow.
It can take 10 minutes to scrape a windshield, 20 minutes to dress a toddler in winter gear, 30 minutes to convince a shih tzu that, yes, it has to go outside to pee even in this weather. You might waste another half-hour sitting in the drive-through lane at Starbucks, and then 10 more minutes climbing over plowed slush and jumping over puddles after you park.
You know what? Just turn around and go home.
When it snows, do I still have to use my turn signals?
Why start now?
Joe Blundo is a Dispatch columnist. joe.blundo@gmail.com @joeblundo
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2. Print numbered letters. 3. Unscramble letters
4. Complete the chuckle quotes by filling in the missing words you develop from step No. 3.