Citing ‘name confusion,’ dad resists baby’s new nickname

Adapted from an online discussion. Dear Carolyn: My daughter is 9 months old. Her name is one that has many common nicknames (think “Elizabeth”). My husband and I prefer the full name, but we recognized that when you give a child a name like this, nicknames tend to creep in at some point. We both agreed we were OK with that.

My Dad has started affectionately calling her a name that arose from the noise she makes when they play this game where they make silly sounds at one another. The name is along the lines of “little bird.”

My husband HATES it. He says all relatives should be supporting our desire to call her by her full name, and he worries she may get confused.

I see no evidence that she is confused. She knows she is “Elizabeth.” She knows it is funny when her grandfather calls her “little bird.” My husband says since he is my dad, I have to intervene.

I don’t want to intervene. This is a sweet little thing they do together. I don’t understand why my husband wants to ruin it, and he can’t articulate any problem with it beyond the worry that she will end up with some kind of name confusion. Help!

— Don’t Understand

I would like to find some way to validate your husband’s concern, but I am at a loss to conjure even one.

All I see is a weak argument for standing in the way of a strong bond with Grandpa.

I wish he’d asked me this so I could urge him to release his need for control, unless he wants to be miserable and contrary throughout your daughter’s childhood. Every strong preference he doesn’t control is a new way to get disappointed.

I’m sorry that doesn’t help you much. But the only answer for you is to hold your ground on the nickname and gently explore the real source of his anxiety.

Because, wow. Remind your husband kindly and often that Grandpa is making a real connection, and it’s your job as parents not to get in the way. Readers’ thoughts:

“It’s worth remembering that the name is his daughter’s — not his.”

“Stop hallucinating problems, husband. Go fix some real ones.”

“If your dad’s nickname for your daughter is “Little Pig Butt” or “Little Horse Face,” your husband isn’t wrong.”