The Columbus Dispatch

Happy husband’s weight gain a turn-off for wife

- Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069

Dear Abby: I’m in my late 30s and have been married for seven years. My husband and I have two young children, a beautiful home, good jobs, etc. However, over the last few years, I have lost my attraction to him.

I’m not superficia­l, but he has gained more than 40 pounds since we met, and he refuses to eat healthy or exercise. He watched me spend countless hours working out to lose all my baby weight. We are rarely intimate anymore, and when we are I do it out of obligation.

I know these things happen, but he seems to be happy. I think if I told him I wanted to leave, he would be floored. Divorced friends of mine who have young children have advised me against it, and say my children’s happiness should come before mine. Others say if I’m not happy, the kids won’t be happy.

I can manage living this life for them, but I feel like I’m too young to cheat myself out of some of my best years. Am I being selfish or smart?

— Weighty Subject In New York Dear Weighty Subject: Before your marriage deteriorat­es further, have a frank discussion with your husband. He seems to be happy because he doesn’t know what’s going on in your head.

For reasons that go beyond animal attraction — including the welfare of his children — he needs to make some lifestyle changes and get a handle on his health. I am hoping that when you convey the message to him, he will be receptive. If not, please try marriage counseling before you consult a lawyer.

Dear Abby: I’m in my early 40s. A few months ago, I was diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer. I keep reading the five-year survival rate is only 28%, and I’m concerned that despite receiving treatment (hormone therapy injections), I don’t have many years left. The cancer has been found in my spine and pelvis as well. I am a person of faith, so I’m not afraid of death. I’m just worried about leaving my daughter behind, along with friends and family.

My question is, should I make a will? I live in an apartment and don’t have many assets except for some savings. I plan to start a trust, so my daughter will receive that money at the appropriat­e time. I have never had a reason in the past for a will. I don’t know what sorts of things go into a will. I also have a 2-year-old cat, and now I’m worried he will outlive me. I don’t want him to have to go back to the Humane Society if I pass on. He’s like a child to me, and I only want the best for him.

— Making Plans For The Future Dear Making Plans: Because you have financial assets, a daughter and a beloved pet you want to provide for in the event of your death, it’s important that you consult an attorney NOW about ANY end-of-life documents you need to have in place. You may decide you need more directives than just a will, which will give you peace of mind and guarantee your wishes are carried out.

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