Clients heap abuse on lawyer
Dear Miss Manners: As a lawyer, due to the nature of my work and the nature of the law, I’m frequently in the position of having to give unwelcome news to clients. This often results in entirely unwarranted verbal abuse – a version of shooting the messenger.
While I sympathize with clients’ frustrations, and with personal challenges that may aggravate their responses to a situation, at times it is very difficult to take.
Is it more polite to 1. simply be silent and end the conversation quickly; 2. try to continue explaining, in hopes of advancing a client’s understanding; or 3. object to personal insults as they arise? Or a combination?
It’s perhaps relevant that none of the clients are paying for my time; they are being given free legal assistance. I only mention this to clarify that I have no financial motive to prolong an abusive encounter. But should their difficult life circumstances affect the extent to which I listen to abuse, for the sake of politeness?
Gentle Reader: “I understand that you are frustrated, but I am only relaying the message and trying to help you solve the problem. If you continue like this, I am afraid that I will no longer be able to assist.”
Miss Manners believes this a reasonable reaction, no matter what the financial relationship or hardship. After all, being polite is also free.
Dear Miss Manners: Last spring, I graduated from college, moved from the Midwest – where many of my lovely friends and family reside – to Seattle and started my career in the beautiful Pacific Northwest.
Recently, though, my job has required me to move back to Chicago, which is great. I will be very close to many of my aforementioned friends and family members, to whom I have announced this news.
In this process, I’ve been kindly offered housing opportunities by folks looking for a roommate. As much as I love my friends, and as much as I enjoyed having temporary co-habitants in college, I’ve since found that I prefer living alone.
When people ask, I’ve been telling them, “Thank you for the offer! Nothing against you or my previous roommates, but I plan to live by myself.” Is this an acceptable way to respond to these kind offers?
Gentle Reader: If you eliminate the middle phrase “Nothing against,” Miss Manners will happily sign off on this response. Much like “No offense,” that phrase is guaranteed to have the opposite effect.
Dear Miss Manners: We relocated 900 miles and are attempting to acclimate ourselves to a lovely town. We’ve been pleased to learn that our neighbors are just as willing to welcome and engage us as we are to approach and meet them.
On occasion, we receive the seemingly benign question of whether we have pets. When we respond that we do not, I’m sometimes taken aback by a somewhat overplayed “I’m so sorry” – as if we or our lives are somehow incomplete or inadequate.
We know that we need not divulge our private reasons, but when someone oversteps social boundaries and seems to use the question as a dig or one-up, is there anything I should do – other than stifle the urge to say that their pity is neither warranted nor wanted?
Gentle Reader: “Thank you, but we prefer it that way.” Pause. Pause. “Of course, yours are no doubt lovely and well-behaved …”
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews Mcmeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.