The Columbus Dispatch

Trump demands ‘TOTAL IMMUNITY’ for presidents. I wonder why?

- Rex Huppke Columnist USA TODAY

Former president and current criminal defendant Donald Trump is now begging the U.S. Supreme Court to get involved in his attempt to get a federal election interferen­ce case dismissed, claiming he has presidenti­al immunity. In a lengthy allcaps missive posted Thursday, Trump insisted presidents must have “TOTAL IMMUNITY,” even for things that “CROSS THE LINE,” writing, “HOPEFULLY THIS WILL BE AN EASY DECISION. GOD BLESS THE SUPREME COURT!”

To keep Trump from expending all his crazy juice on this issue, I’ve taken the liberty of adding some additional deep thoughts, complete with his allcaps style, that he can post on his Truth Social account. I swear, no one will know the difference:

IT IS TOTALLY UNFAIR, AND VERY DANGEROUS, TO ATTEMPT TO HOLD A PRESIDENT LEGALLY RESPONSIBL­E FOR “CRIMES” HE MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE DONE WHILE BEING THE BEST PRESIDENT IN AMERICAN HISTORY.

WITHOUT TOTAL, ABSOLUTE AND COMPLETE IMMUNITY, AN AMAZING PRESIDENT WOULD BE UNABLE TO DO HIS JOB AND LEAD THE COUNTRY, ESPECIALLY IF THAT JOB INVOLVED DOING SOME THINGS THE DEEP STATE MIGHT CONSIDER “ILLEGAL” OR “UNCONSTITU­TIONAL.”

IT IS NOT POSSIBLE FOR A STRONG AND POWERFUL PRESIDENT TO BE PERFECT. SOMETIMES THEY MAKE MISTAKES, EVEN IF WELL INTENDED, LIKE ACCIDENTAL­LY HAVING SEX WITH A PORN STAR WHILE THEIR WIFE IS HOME WITH A NEWBORN BABY.

FURTHERMOR­E, I HEREBY DECLARE THAT PRESIDENTS SHOULD NOT ONLY HAVE TOTAL IMMUNITY, THEY SHOULD ALSO BE ALLOWED TO BREAK WHATEVER SO-CALLED LAWS THEY WANT, BEFORE, DURING AND AFTER THEIR TIME IN OFFICE.

SO, JUST TO MAKE SOMETHING UP, IF ONE OF THE MOST SUCCESSFUL PRESIDENTS OF ALL TIME HAPPENED TO LEAVE THE WHITE HOUSE WITH WHAT RADICAL LEFTISTS MIGHT CALL “CLASSIFIED DOCUMENTS” AND THEN SOME OF THOSE ITEMS WERE FOUND AT ONE OF THAT PRESIDENT’S PROPERTIES, EVERYTHING WOULD BE FINE. BECAUSE THERE’S NOTHING WRONG WITH A PRESIDENT DOING WHATEVER HE NEEDS TO DO. HYPOTHETIC­ALLY.

SOME LOSERS HAVE BEEN SAYING THAT FULL PRESIDENTI­AL IMMUNITY WOULD TURN PRESIDENTS INTO KINGS. THAT’S A SICK LIE, AND I WILL HAVE WHOEVER SAID THAT EXECUTED ONCE I AM REELECTED KING OF AMERICA. OF COURSE I WILL ONLY BE A KING FOR ONE DAY. JUST ONE DAY. THEN THAT’S IT. I PROMISE.

REMEMBER, PATRIOTS, WITHOUT PRESIDENTI­AL FREEDOM TO DO ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING I MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE ALREADY DONE, OUR COUNTRY WILL CEASE TO EXIST. HOPEFULLY THIS WILL BE AN EASY DECISION FOR OUR GREAT SUPREME COURT, WHICH A PRESIDENT IS ALLOWED TO STACK WITH IDEOLOGICA­L JUSTICES IN EXCHANGE FOR BARRELS FULL OF MONEY.

MAGA!

Follow USA TODAY columnist Rex Huppke on X, formerly Twitter, @Rexhuppke and Facebook facebook.com/rexisajerk

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