Couple on outs need to discuss what’s next

Dear Harriette: My husband and I are on the outs in a big way, but not too many people know. A friend recently asked if he could stay with us for a few days, but it really won’t work. My husband is sleeping in the guest room, and there is no other room for sleeping.

Of course, our friend doesn’t know that. But even if we were to let him stay and my husband temporarily moved back in with me, things would be tense.

I don’t want to open up our issues to anybody, including this guy. How do I say “no” to him? — Trouble in Paradise, Los Angeles

Answer: You have the right to refuse a friend who wants to stay in your home without giving a detailed explanation. Your responsibility is to be crystal clear in your answer so that there is no confusion and your friend does not show up at your house. You may want to tell your husband that your friend has asked to stay and how you have chosen to handle it. This may help spark a conversation that the two of you need to have.

Moving out of the conjugal bedroom is not the same as separation or divorce — or reconciliation, for that matter. Either with professional support or just between the two of you, it’s time for you to talk about the future and for each of you to declare what you would like to have happen next.

Dear Harriette: I feel like a teenager. I have been playing word games on my phone and my other electronic devices, and I’ve been having a fine time. I have met up with some old friends from years ago, and that has been a lot of fun. But the games take up a lot of time. Without even realizing it , I have been consumed by these silly games. I like that they are presumably stimulating my mind, but I don’t want to go overboard. How can I better manage my time? I have actually been late for work because of this. — GamePlaying Girl, Dallas

Answer: There is a time and a place for everything. Yes, these types of games can be addictive, as you have seen. But as an adult, you need to remind yourself of your priorities. That may mean that you write in your date book when you will allow yourself to have fun, including playing these games. Reserve time when you have finished work and have nothing important to do.

If you find that you cannot control your desire to play, delete the games from your phone so that you have removed the temptation. Then you either play no more, or only when you are at home on your home computer. You can break this pattern.

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