A word to the wise before you try teak surfing fad — don’t do it
A simple daylong trip to the river already involves numerous dangers.
Towing a boat in interstate traffic adds a degree of difficulty to driving, especially if you’re not an experienced tower and you find yourself in a situation that calls for unexpected maneuvering in close quarters.
Once you get to the water, you have to use a life jacket to avoid drowning, an electronic depth finder to avoid hitting underwater objects and a watchful eye to avoid being hit by people who are being less than watchful.
With all the natural dangers, I can’t understand why people keep coming up with new ways to make the activity even more dangerous. But they certainly do. Consider, for example, the growing recreational phenomenon known as “teak surfing.”
People go teak surfing by hanging onto the back of a slow-moving boat, usually from the swim platform which is often made of teak wood. That’s where the name comes from.
While moving through the water, riders will sometimes let go of the platform and bodysurf the boat’s wake for several feet.
If all goes well, it’s a refreshing activity — and here in the Mid-South, it’s about as close as you’re going to come to actual bodysurfing.
But imagine what can happen when all doesn’t go well.
Unlike traditional skiing, which uses a long rope to keep the skier far away from the boat and its propeller, teak surfing requires participants to ride in frightening proximity to the churning prop.
Have you ever watched a boat propeller spin above the water?
It’s like watching a high-powered Weedeater — except instead of a thick piece of string designed to cut through grass, it’s a stainless-steel fan blade designed to push a heavy vessel at speeds of more than 60 mph. Don’t think Weedeater. Think food processor. “It amazes me that people are actually comfortable having their legs and feet that close to a spinning prop,” said Matt Majors, boating accident investigator for the Tennessee Wildlife Resources Agency. “But we do see injuries happen that way all the time.”
Believe it or not, the underwater saw spinning just beneath a surfer’s feet is not the most dangerous thing about teak surfing.
The activity’s most dangerous possibility is the inhalation of carbon monoxide — a gas that is tasteless and odorless but deadly.
“When people are teak surfing, they’re right back there in the direct line of all that exhaust coming off the motor,” Majors said. “A lot of times, if they’ve been drinking, they inhale those fumes and, by the time they realize anything’s wrong, it’s too late for them.”
The symptoms of carbon monoxide poisoning can include dizziness, confusion, headache, vomiting and fainting. Since those are also some of the symptoms of having too much to drink, many people don’t realize they’ve been poisoned for a while — and those are the ones most likely to develop permanent brain damage or even die.
As if all this wasn’t bad enough, the logistics of teak surfing often make it inconvenient for teak surfers to wear life preservers.
With the boat in motion, traditional life jackets catch lots of water, making it harder for surfers to hold on to the teak platforms. So many just ditch the jackets in the name of comfort, adding accidental drowning to the long list of dangers they’re subjecting themselves to for a few moments of fun.
Though it isn’t specifically illegal, teak surfing falls under the heading of “negligent boating” in most states, meaning marine police officers can write you a ticket for doing it.
That ticket potential and the two fatalities caused by teak surfing since it became popular in Tennessee waters a few years back should be enough to convince you not to do it.
Like I told my 10-yearold stepdaughter when she kept urging me to light two and three fireworks at a time the night of July 4:
The world is dangerous enough when you do everything right. You shouldn’t go looking for even more ways to get hurt.