Football, it’s what’s for dinner

Kelly English has a problem. As the owner and chef at Restaurant Iris, he has to work on Saturdays.

But Ole Miss tends to play football on Saturdays. English loves Ole Miss football. What’s an award-winning chef to do?

“It’s tough,” said English. “We have a rule in the kitchen, no cell phones. I break it more than anyone, checking football scores.”

Happily, Ole Miss opens against Vanderbilt on Thursday night this year.

“Where am I going to be?” said English. “I’m going to be in that stadium. I’m so geared up that football season is about to begin.”

And it is, too. How fabulous is that? Next week, and for the rest of the calendar year, the Sunday paper will be brimming with football scores.

“I’m ecstatic,” said Roy Adams, the colorful Tennessee booster who goes by the name of Tennstud on message boards. “Words can’t express how happy I am.”

Adams has been busy getting ready for the weekly college football parties/extravaganzas he hosts at his home. He recently installed another 80-inch TV.

“That makes 40 televisions,” said Adams. Forty televisions? “Yes,” he said, “but only 31 of them are big screens.”

This is the kind of insanity college football inspires in these parts, and has been inspiring for decades.

The Grizzlies have captured the heart of the city. The basketball Tigers will always be Memphis’s team. But I have long contended that there are more fans of college football in this town than any other sort.

Of course, they come in all varieties, wearing all manner of colors. College football has a very different feel. It’s tribal, and passionately so. You can identify all kinds of people by reference to their preferred teams.

Rep. Steve Cohen, Jarvis Greer (Channel 5) and Eli Morris (Hope Church) cheer for Memphis. Pete Pranica (Grizzlies TV), Val Handwerker (Immaculate Conception) and Nicholas Vieron (Greek Orthodox) are Notre Dame guys.

John Elkington (real estate) and Trow Gillespie (New South Capital) pull for

Vanderbilt. Chris Wallace (Grizzlies) likes West Virginia. Fitz Dearmore (Republic Coffee) is a devout supporter of USC.

Shellie McCain (lawyer) is a proud South Carolina fan. Matt Surber (Central Church) is a big fan of Texas A&M. John Branston (The Flyer) pulls for Michigan. George Cates (Overton Park, among other good causes) is forever thinking this will be Georgia Tech’s year.

What is it about Ole Miss and chefs? Wally Joe (Acre) and Ryan Trimm (Sweet Grass) also love Ole Miss. So do Otis Sanford (Memphis journalism) and Mike Glenn (FedEx).

Steve Montgomery (Idlewild) was brought up to be a Texas fan. Don DeWeese (Gibson’s Donuts) likes Mississippi State, but has a soft spot for Memphis, too.

“Every Memphis game day we do donuts in Tiger blue,” said DeWeese. “We sell a ton of them.”

Not long ago, DeWeese tried to capitalize on the enthusiasm for college football by painting trays with the logos and colors of area teams.

“We sent them to Pennsylvania to be painted,” he says. “Some were Tennessee, some were Alabama, Ole Miss, Mississippi State, Arkansas, like that. We used them for about a month but there was a problem. You can’t give an Ole Miss tray to a Mississippi State guy. Or a Tennessee tray to an Alabama guy. And you don’t have time to sit there and ask them who they are for. We don’t use those trays anymore.”

This is the kind of lunacy that is about to return to our fair city. And just in time, too.

There is a whole lot wrong with college football.

This offseason has provided more evidence of that. But if the enterprise has gotten too big, and too rich — and it certainly has — that is only because people love it so much.

College football is kids running around, hurling little footballs at a tailgate. It is “Amazing Grace” played by a marching band. College football is Archie, Peyton and Eli, it is DeAngelo and the Power T. College football provides moments and it provides memories. It is cherished and then it is passed down.

So, yes, it grips this city, in ways both absurd and wonderful. Let’s return to English, the chef, who had a problem, as you will recall.

English is getting ready to open a second restaurant next to Restaurant Iris. It will be a more informal place called The Second Line.

And what culinary vision was behind this new venture?

“Part of the reason was that I can sneak next door and watch the games.” To contact Geoff Calkins, call 901529-2364 or e-mail calkins@commercialappeal.com