Stepmother wants young woman to open up more
Dear Annie: I am the stepmother of a lovely young woman, age 29. “Daria” was 2 when her mother left, and her older brother has reported that Mom was neglectful and suffered fits of rage. She actually told the children on many occasions that she couldn’t stand them. She continually took them elsewhere to be cared for. Luckily one of those places was our house.
My husband eventually taught the children to simply accept their mother as she is and to rise above it. But the result seems to be that Daria shows very little emotion. She is attractive and smart and makes friends easily, but all of her relationships dry up after a short while. She is cold and distant. I have never seen her cry, even when her pets died.
How can we get her to open up?
— Other Mother
Dear Other Mother: Daria may have learned to close of her emotions because her mother’s behavior was so erratic and neglectful. In order to protect herself, she learned not to care, because then, when she was rejected, it wouldn’t hurt as much. She may even be precipitating and causing rejection because she has become adept at dealing with it. Unfortunately, after all these years, the behavior is difficult to change without professional intervention. Please suggest to Daria that she speak to a therapist who can help her connect with others.
Dear Annie: I’d like to respond to “Trying To Be Respectful,” whose mother-in-law insists that she take communion. As a recent convert to Catholicism, I have noticed that many cradle Catholics do not possess a clear understanding of their faith.
Only those who have been baptized and confirmed in the Catholic Church are eligible to take communion at a Catholic mass. The daughter-inlaw can either stay seated during communion, or get in the communion line but cross her arms over her chest, which signifies to the priest or communion minister that she is merely seeking a blessing, which she will be given without partaking in communion. The person with the problem is the mother-in-law. As you suggested, she needs to talk to her priest and come to an understanding of what her Catholic faith actually teaches.—
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