Dad’s actions bordering on abuse worry his daughters
Dear Annie: My father has always been especially unkind to my sister, “Portia.” She always has had behavioral problems. Portia also drinks too much and continues to contact her abusive ex-boyfriend. My older sister and I try to show Portia lots of love, but Dad usually deals with her problems with anger and general vitriol. Though he has occasionally shown her support, he usually singles her out as the “problem” child. There have been times when he has screamed and even intervened physically when my sisters have fought, always pinning the blame on Portia.
Recently, Dad’s anger has grown and he reacts testily to every comment Portia makes. He even reacts poorly to my mother, and is now talking about moving in with his sister until his depression and anxiety subside.
Dad’s behavior seems really disturbing to me and borders on abuse. What should we do?
— Afraid of Escalation
Dear Afraid: Would your father see a doctor about his depression and anxiety instead of waiting for them to “subside” on their own? Portia’s issues may be genetically linked to her father’s, and she also is likely to benefit from both medical intervention and therapy.
If your father wishes to move in with his sister for a while, then that will provide an opportunity for everyone to calm down. Perhaps his sister will convince him to talk to his doctor.
Dear Annie: I’m responding to “Feeling Unloved,” the divorced dad whose teenaged kids don’t seem to want to spend time with him:
First and foremost, if your kids are angry or resentful, encourage them to talk about it. It hurts, and it’s hard to hear, but it’s what they need. They are kids navigating a difficult situation.
Second, remember that they are teenagers. Most teenagers can be a bit selfcentered.
Finally, don’t expect them to call you. Invite them places, even if it’s out for pizza. And don’t give up. It will get better.
— G.
Dear G.: Thank you for your sage advice. Navigating parenthood with teenagers is already complicated, and divorce adds to the difficulty. Teenagers require a revised playbook. Please email your questions to anniesmailbox@creators.com, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254.