Bride has sensible advice for mother-in-law

A friend’s future daughterin-law will not allow her to know the color theme for the wedding. My friend has asked her several times what color would she like her to wear.

Well, she has invested in two dresses. The first is too warm to wear to an outdoor wedding in the South. The second is an ivory/cream color, and she has been told that color is inappropriate. Is it true that color is inappropriate?

Is it your friend’s hope that she can turn this sensible and considerate young lady into a bossy, detail-obsessed bride?

Dressing her prospective mother-in-law is not the bride’s responsibility. Many who attempt it discover that it is not conducive to warm family relationships.

Nor does a wedding require a “theme,” other than marriage.

Your friend should not be investing in clothes that are unsuitable for the weather. She should wear something dressy that she likes. And while it is not customary for others to wear the same shade as the bridal dress, Miss Manners is confident that the bride in question will not go to pieces worrying that people will confuse the two of them.

My husband’s two daughters estranged themselves from him more than 20 years ago. He has four grandchildren he has never met.My husband is now in his 80s. He has asked me how I would phrase his obituary — in terms of survivors — if he predeceases me.

My initial impulse is to list the daughters, their husbands and children, along with his son and daughter-in-law. Yet it seems strange to include children he’s never met and a son-in-law he met only once. But if they are omitted, many casual friends who know the daughters but not the situation will surely find it strange. The question is much on my husband’s mind, and I want above all to be kind and respectful to him.

It is not the purpose of an obituary to thank the people who have behaved well to the deceased. Rather, it is intended to be a tiny, instant account of that person’s life.

Miss Manners understands your desire to reassure your husband, but if you have to give him an answer, you might point out that excluding the daughters would indeed create curiosity from those who know the family.

King Features Syndicate