Don’t like the local delicacy? Don’t eat it
I don’t like lobster. What is the polite alternative to choking my way through a lobster at my own table?
You have been caught by what Miss Manners calls the Local Delicacy Trap, shared by Bostonians who hate clam chowder, Napa Valley natives who have other things to do than to taste wine, and Chicagoans who have had to consume a lifetime and a half of deepdish pizza.
Not only does everyone coming to town expect it, but they lack any sympathy for you, who are glutted, whether on lobster or champagne or baked beans.
Misdirection (“Oh, that’s not the real local delicacy! The real local delicacy is steamed mussels!”) seldom satisfies. Portion control (“This caviar is particularly special. And for the main course we have ...”) makes you look stingy.
Best to swallow the insult to your own tastes, which can be done without swallowing the lobster. Who can complain about a dinner of lobster and an alternative, in which everyone gets to eat what he or she enjoys most?
An employee my office just hired was nice enough to start with, but very quickly I began to notice that she was oversharing personal information about herself and her family.
I would change the subject, but then she began to include me in her problems. If she complained about her weight, she’d say I must feel the same way about myself, e.g.
Help! I wouldn’t want my problems blabbed all over the workplace, but I don’t want her complaining about me, either. How can I get her to stop?
The way to prevent her from telling others about your problems is, as you correctly surmised, not to tell them to her. Perhaps looking sympathetic and saying, “No, not really,” when she turns to you, would help. This unsatisfactory but polite response should solve the problem of her oversharing.
That leaves only one problem for Miss Manners to solve: how to get her to stop complaining about you. The next time someone passes on one of her complaints, explain that she seems nice, but you hardly know her and don’t feel that you can deal adequately with her neediness.
King Features Syndicate