Sister denies request for some family photos
Dear Annie: My family is very dysfunctional because of my mother’s poor parenting and her history of playing favorites. I maintain minimal contact with my siblings.
One of my sisters is very controlling and has always manipulated my mother to get what she wants. She’s my mother’s “golden child.” A number of years ago, this sister took all of the old family photos from my mother’s home. Mom says she only borrowed them. Knowing my sister, I was concerned that the family would never see those pictures again.
I recently decided to ask my sister to let me have the pictures so I could go through them, make some enlargements and copies, and write down some names and dates. My adult children also have expressed interest in having access to the pictures, as they have never seen them and would like to know about their family’s history. My sister lives four hours away, and I o�ered to pick them up.
Well, my request has started World War III. My mother and sister are furious that I have asked to take the pictures to go through them. They cannot give me a reason I can’t have access to the photos but consider me the bad guy in this scenario.
I could back down and let my sister have her way, but I would like to have that piece of my family history to pass on to my children. Ideally, all of the siblings would have some of the originals, but my sister never learned to share. Should I continue my quest for these photographs, even knowing I will be treated with contempt by my mother and sister? Or should I just let it go? — Living In Dysfunctional
Family Land
Dear Living: There may be another way to get the pictures. Your sister seems controlling and possessive, so she is unlikely to hand over the photographs. Instead, as nicely and sweetly as possible, ask whether you can go through them in her home. Discuss scanning the ones you want into her computer and emailing them. Or you could o�er to pay her to make copies. Bring your mother along so she can see that you are being reasonable and flexible. If Sis says no and your mother gets angry, you will be no worse o�.